Addled Mind and Idle Hands

Piss off

2010-03-18T20:41:00.001-05:00

Still at sea for another week. Working my fucking ass off on hour 14. Wearing noise-cancellation headphones with hard fucking rock turned up WAY TOO LOUD. Periodically singing out like a dying cow, or randomly yelling, "FUCK,FUCK,FUCK!" while pounding on the desk. Throwing things and spilling coffee all over everything as I slop down the 20-25 mugs of mud I'm pounding every single day, now. People avoid me and I am getting weird looks. Fuck em. My best buddy has just reminded me I have less than 150 hours to complete my work and chopper off this rusty old piece of shit. My goal is to sleep at least 20 of those. I've got my flights and seats reserved, flying through O'Hare (ORD), which chaps my ass like no other airport in the civilized world. Except of course Charles De Fucking Gaul (CFDG), but France is populated by effeminate cowards and they can kiss my redneck Yankee ass. OK, that's not strictly true, but I'm fucking angry and it's easy to hate the French, so sue me.

Tonight, I was filling out a form online and could not remember the house number of my address. I tried 3 or 4 numbers but nothing looked right. I know it used to be number 6 before the 911 bullshit, but other than that I was drawing a blank. Had to call PW. Felt like an ass. Not 30 seconds after I hung up, I realized I didn't know which street I live on. Had to call her back. She took it well, but I'm wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. Ah, who cares as long as I can still wipe my own ass, right?

Last night, in a sort of measure of defiance, I did not go to sleep after my 20 hour shift. Yeah, kind of stupid, but I took a sauna and then watched "The Boat That Rocked". Awesomeness, in its most pure and pleasurable form, is just dripping from this movie like honey from the hive of heaven. Sound track like rocket fuel for the soul and by God, fuck the British government, those fucking tossers! Watched the movie, watched all the credits, right to the bitter end and then watched all 50 minutes of deleted scenes and was not disappointed. I LOVED the deleted scene of Rhys Ifans in the South American cantina, which damn near got me dancing in my cabin, alone. Talking to some of the Brits who grew up in those times, listening to the North Sea pirate radio stations was an added extra treat this morning, almost making walking around with my eyes glued shut by some sort of crusty shit, bearable. Anyway, I had to use a region-cracker, so I know I watched the European, full-monty version. If the castrated, American cut falls short, don't blame me, blame the lame dicks in Hollywood, or take a hike with the fucking French. Later.

The latest, greatest

2010-03-07T17:06:00.001-06:00

Yeah, its been a while. To be honest, I've had too much on my mind to write and frankly, I wasn't in the best of moods, either.

I cannot say either condition has drastically improved, but nonetheless, here I am, typing a quick, Gmail update to the old blog. Yep.

I'm at sea. Busy does not do justice to my current workload. Sick does not do justice to the state of my intestinal tract. Trouble does not do justice to the state of my current project and my own personal position. Dead in the water does does, however, do perfect justice to the state of my ship a little over an hour ago and fucked works nicely for one of my engines. It may be that I'll be very soon, turning North and heading for an as yet, undecided port, for what could very well be several weeks. It has not, by any stretch of the imagination, been a good day. I think that sums up my health and work. Personal life? I'm at sea and don't get to have one. That's about it folks.

back in the saddle

2010-02-23T10:10:00.001-06:00

So, I'm hard at work, back in the GoM. Been here since Thursday. The weather has been mild, but the fog is really bad today. The adjacent ships in the fleet have disappeared, even the one closest to us at 1200 meters off our starboard beam. Still fog in the foc'sle beats a hurricane in the forecast any day. Hey! That sounds pretty good and I just made it up on the spot.

Last night I started my workouts, in earnest. I do 7.7 miles in an hour on the elliptical machine, every single night. During my last break I discovered that snowshoeing and the elliptical machine fell like the same thing-same movement and rhythm. I can close my eyes and picture my 7.7 mile snowshoe while working out:) I'm determined to loose at least 15 pounds this trip. I am not coming home to PW still looking like Santa, in March:(

This morning, I woke to find a piece of paper from one of the girls who works for me, laying on my desk. It was a calender of extremely old and fat Asian ladies in lingerie. No amount of eye bleach will fix me and I will be plotting my revenge, slowly and carefully, over the coming weeks, but in the end I may just decide to kill her.

Finally, I would like to thank my daughter for telling my boss I never work, on Facebook. I'm sure LL will appreciate that tidbit after we recently discussed how one should never add their boss. I can understand how some animals eat their young.

My next album

2010-02-05T11:28:00.004-06:00

I'm a bit bored, waiting on the woodstove to heat up after I let burn to low and saw that Jay did this. Though what the hell. The method:

1. Go to the "Random Article" link on Wikipedia. Write down the title of the article. This is the name of your band.

2. Go to “Random Quotations” and the last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3. Go to Flickr and click on “Explore the Last Seven Days”. The third picture will be your album cover.

Hmmm, it all seems to work. I mean it looks like an album. One I would pass on, but an album, nonetheless. Yeah, I'm bored. Woodstove is hot, so I'm heading out to snowshoe for an hour or so.

State of the Union

2010-01-27T21:45:00.002-06:00

Obama's speech is technically not a "State of the Union" address, just addressing a joint session of Congress. I just watched most of it in bits and bobs. As much as I could take in one sitting, anyway.

A few "fun" facts about State of the Union Addresses from Robert Schlesinger at USNEWS.COM:

"...Actually, the speech was not always called the "State of the Union" and, for that matter, was not always a speech. Article II, Section 3 of the Constitution says that the president "shall from time to time give to the Congress Information of the State of the Union, and recommend to their Consideration such Measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient."

... Thomas Jefferson, the third president, started a long tradition of presidents sending their reports up in written form. The next president who gave the annual report (not yet the "State of the Union," mind you) in person as a speech was Woodrow Wilson in December 1913.

...Franklin Roosevelt started the modern tradition by delivering his first report to Congress, in 1934, as a speech. It was the first such address titled the "State of the Union." It wasn't until 1947, however, that the name came into general usage.

...Coolidge's 1923 address was the first broadcast over the radio; Harry Truman's 1947 State of the Union was the first broadcast on television; George W. Bush's 2002 speech was the first webcast from the House's website.

...The longest State of the Union (or whatever we call it) by words: Jimmy Carter's 1981 address—which was also the last such written message—was an astounding 33,667 words.

...The shortest such speech in terms of words was the first: Washington's 1790 report to Congress, which he delivered to a joint session in New York City, was a mere 1,089 words. The picture of brevity."

This year?

I should have burned a $20 on the porch, pointed my finger at picture of Bush, told myself everything is going to be alright because Obama is the second coming while shoving a baseball bat up my ass and beating off. At least I would've got the happy ending AND would've ended a half hour earlier.

Barrow

2010-01-27T09:53:00.001-06:00

Just found out I've been to the site of the fastest gust of wind ever recorded. Flown in and out of the island many times. It's kind of an interesting place, actually. At first blush, it doesn't look like much, but it has a history and some unique wildlife and now, some big plans in store for what WAS some sort of wildlife refuge. And yeah, it's got these big, termite hills. It's off the west coast of Australia and was my jumping-off point for a year, while shooting off WA. I used to fly a Charter jet from Perth to the Island, where I'd hop a chopper to my ship.

Quote this

2010-01-27T08:42:00.000-06:00

"Political Correctness is about turning a blind eye to painful reality because your comfortable feelings are more important to you than saving lives and providing quality of life to people who work their ass off to be productive and are a benefit to this great American Dream." -Ted Nugent

Bread

2010-01-26T00:01:00.001-06:00

So my wife comes home with two loaves of bread given to her by a friend. One is holy and one is hemp.

Ezekiel 4:9 bread has all the same ingredients described in the bible. It says so and I believe it.

Healthy Hemp bread has a ton of seeds and it says it doesn't get you high. No shit.

home for the post-holidays

2010-01-24T20:13:00.000-06:00

Been home a week. Still tired. Still haven't quite cleared the last six weeks of snow from the drive, but damn close.

Lost the Internet. It took Charter 4 days, 6 trucks and 6 servicemen. They left saying they changed the signal to this area and would change it back until they figured out what went wrong. Finally, a day later, it came back. I wonder how long it will last.

Just about the only other thing going on currently, is the thought that I might clean up my workshop tomorrow. Yeah, polar opposite of life on the boat.

Happy B-day, Eddie

2010-01-19T06:36:00.001-06:00

Today is Edger Allan Poe's birthday. He would have been 200 today! I'm currently reading a novel about a man who enlists the help of the person Poe modeled his famous C. Auguste Dupin after, to solve the mystery of Poe's death. So far, it is an excellent read and fitting that I'm reading it on Poe's 200th birthday. Watch out for ravens...

give a little

2010-01-17T10:04:00.001-06:00

And finally, to round out a three-post day (morning, actually), I wonder aloud why it is that yesterday I read that the amount of US aid currently being sent to Haiti is about to exceed that of aid to anyone or anything else, ever. More than the tsunami and more than hurricane Katrina. Please do not get me wrong. I am all for that "helping fellow man" crap, but I first wonder how less aid was sent to the many millions more people displaced and fucked over in general, by the tsunami and how less aid was sent to our own fellow Americans in the wake of hurricane Katrina? Just one of those little mysteries of life, I suppose.

And just for the record, two days ago I flew from the southern tip of the Mississippi River delta, all that way up to New Orleans, in a helicopter. Can anyone remember what year Katrina struck without Googling the answer? I'll tell you. It was August 29, 2005. They still have not yet fully recovered after 4 1/2 years.

Smell this

2010-01-17T09:39:00.000-06:00

Ever wonder why some things are SO much more expensive in the US, than other places? Case in point:

The following are excerpts from an AP wire article posted on Yahoo! News...the accent/bolding is all mine.

'...NEW YORK – Johnson & Johnson issued a massive recall Friday of over-the-counter drugs including Tylenol, Motrin and St. Joseph's aspirin because of a moldy smell that has made people sick.

The FDA said about 70 people have been either sickened by the odor — including nausea, stomach pain, vomiting and diarrhea — or noticed it.

The FDA said McNeil knew of the problem in early 2008 but made only a limited investigation.

"McNeil should have acted faster," said Deborah Autor, the director of the FDA's Office of Compliance of the Center for Drug Evaluation and Research. "When something smells bad, literally or figuratively, companies must aggressively investigate and take all necessary action to solve the problem."...'

OK. Now then, some McNeil/J&J products allegedly shipped on wooden pallets that smelled funny. No warehouse workers get sick. No truckers get ill. Nobody stocking shelves gets ill. Customers walking isles crammed with dozens of boxes of smelly pills do not get sick. BUT, about 70 people taking the pills get sick from the smell? Or notice it?

Does this really mean if I call up the folks who make, say, Miracle Whip(tm) and tell them it smells like feet, that they have to recall 7.4 million jars of the white stuff? Who decided that in the US, people should walk around with their fingers in their noses, secure in the knowledge that somebody else is responsible for their safety? What the fuck is wrong with a little personal responsibility? Why is that if something smells funny, a company has to recall millions of dollars of stock? This article says the FDA listes about 70 people who got sick from the smell of the pills, when nobody handling them by the thousands and tens of thousands did. If anyone reading this believes that, please send me $127 and I will give you the keys to the kingdom. I will tell you the secret to unlocking the mysteries of the universe. I will give you the knowledge you need to bring yourslef riches, happiness and the power to anything, be anything you ever wanted to be. Really.

PS. Do not take fish oil pills. They DO smell like feet.

Buy this?

2010-01-17T09:09:00.001-06:00

A picture of this guy makes me want to buy nothing, except maybe a hand-gun. What the fuck were they thinking?

whatever

2010-01-12T18:42:00.001-06:00

Well, when you talk about things like everyone going home in one piece, something else is bound to happen. We were hit by another ship, yesterday and it popped a hole in us. Couple of them, I think. Big fucking dent, too. It was our own supply ship who was trying to marry up with us while we were both underway (the way we always do it, cause we CANNOT stop, or multi-million dollar accident occurs) Anyway, we are fine now. Somebody is down below with their finger in the hole.

Crew-x is in three days for me. I get off a day later than most of the rest of the crew cause I'm special that way. Fuck.

Going home

2010-01-10T11:19:00.000-06:00

Glad this trip is coming to a close. I'm tired from too many 20 hour shifts in a row. Tired of the teeth-clenching stress that slammed down last month , grabbing me by the back of the neck and worrying me like a hyena on a zebra carcass. Fuck this noise.

I've got two projects going simultaneously, right now. Not good. Way too much shit needing to be stored in way too little grey matter. LL's little math puzzle the other day, frustrating as it was, was also a nice distraction, even if I do hate maths almost us a much as they hate me. If I can get my shoreside support and a twitchy client to make some final decisions soon, I might be able to put Colombia behind me forever, or at least for the next six months or so.

The new project I'm also setting up is of a complicated sort. It involves multiple vessels and some pretty complex geometries and MATH (fuck) puzzles. I was somewhat horrified to see that the format of just the name of something has gone from a simple alpha-numeric to an alpha-numeric with hexadecimal characters and a modulus hiding in there. A freaking name, people. Anyway, it is quite the challenge to set up and I have not been dealing with the stress well, and I need to get the fuck. Outta Dodge.

Yesterday, as I was sipping my first cuppa here in Dodge City, a frantic call came over the radio. Man overboard. Seeing a bit of general panic and indecision in the room, I bolted out the door, grabbed some gear and ran to the Fast Rescue Craft. After about a minute, two more people showed up and as we were preparing to launch, we got the call to stand down. Turns out the ship that made the call was 20 miles distant-too far for us to be of any real assistance. They had 3 other vessels close by, so we went back to the radio, to await the outcome. A few minutes later, a muster roll-call revealed all crew to be safe and the alarm to be false. Big fucking sigh of relief. The chances of finding one of us in the water, even on broad daylight are, in fact, very slim, bordering on none. This was illustrated early last year when one of the crew from one of the ships working with us right now, was lost in broad daylight, surrounded by a fleet of ships. Rescue craft were even in the water at the time of the incident, the crew member spotted in the water and still he was not recovered. ever. So, yesterday was just another reminder that I work in a dangerous and unpredictable environment and that it pays to be vigilant. I was heartened to see that we repsonded to the radio call, lightening-fast. I hope if the call is ever for me and not to me, that someone else responds equally fast. I look forward to crew-x in a few days and God willing, once again, we will all be here to go home.

Peace

One week to go

2010-01-08T11:49:00.000-06:00

Still offshore Louisiana. Crew-xing next week. Busy as hell this week. Working two projects at once and it feels like my head is going to explode. Cannot wait to go home and sleep for a fucking week. Praying we have good weather for the choppers.

Not had much of a life this trip, beyond a few hours off at Christmas (if you call running around encased in pillows, yelling HO HO HO, a break). I HAVE managed to watch seasons1-4 of LOST and am working my way through season 5 right now. Blondie was SO right about the awesomeness that is LOST. I am so hooked and while I have my own ideas about the answers to the many questions, I really need to sit down and hash this shit out with somebody who follows the series. BAD.

Quick Update

2009-12-28T18:45:00.001-06:00

Hmm, lets see now. Completed the steam from Cartagena, Colombia to Theodore, Alabama (Mobile) in about 7 days. Using Google Earth, I pinpointed the closest bar and found a favorable review for it, as well as phone number. I checked out the front of the bar on Google Street View and all of this worked brilliantly. I called the bar on Sunday evening, when we arrived. The owner said she would alert the bartender and stay open for us. We walked there in the dark, miles down a very dark, loney road, bounded by swamps at some points. Google, The Prophet, did not let us down. It did not know that the bar had been sold back in September and that the former Julies was now The Brier Patch, but everything else was spot-on, including the review.

Southern hospitality? Look it up in the dictionary and you should find a description of The Brier Patch, on Daulphin Island Parkway. It started when they said they would stay open as late as WE wanted, on a Sunday night. When the bartender heard we walked, she asked why we didn't call for a ride and said one of the customers would've drove over and loaded us in a pickup-the two old guys at the end of the bar both nodded. She bought us shots, gave us free snacks, even going out to car for a couple bags of pretzels she had bought for home. At the end of the night she promised to make us a pot of gumbo, ask some girlfriends to come up the next night and told us we could drive her car back to the ship, instead of walking. We declined and most of us left, walkng. One poor sod ended up sleeping in her car and she drove the rest home after closing the bar at around 4:30 in the morning. True to her word, she had gumbo waiting for us the next night.

The last night, when we again showed up hungry, she called up a friend who showed up a while later with a giant tub of BBQ'd ribs. You just don't get that kind of friendly, everywhere. We won't soon forget the Brier Patch.

Anyway, we sailed and began deploying for the next job. Christmas was a pretty good time, despite being stuck onboard and at sea. I dressed up as Trailer-Trash Santa, smoking and drinking and gettin some skin from my homies. I guess I'll have to attach an image to this post, along with our crew Christmas card. I gave out presents and afterward we played bingo (party-time, I know). We gave away a few hundred bucks in cash and prizes including a play station, Wii and some computer gear.

Santa didn't win squat.

To the U.S.

2009-12-12T16:37:00.001-06:00

In just a couple of days, I should be leaving Colombia behind, for some time to come. I should be heading back to the US, for the first time in, oh, 3 1/2 years, I think. Wow. Working in the US for a while will be nice:)

The weather and sea state here is crap. We were up to 8 meter (~25 foot) seas and 50-60 mph winds. It will be good to find calmer waters if we can. Possible port calls are Grand Cayman, Freeport and Galveston, as we make our way North.

Just started a book called Blood River, by Tim Butcher. It details his quest to follow in the footsteps of fellow Daily Telegraph reporter, Henry Morton Stanley, crossing the Congo. His journey across one of the most violent, lawless, remote and fractured countries in the world is nothing short of insane. Over 2,000 miles of fetid, disease-ridden, impenetrable jungle, populated by brutal military rebels, cannibalistic tribes and well, pretty much by only people and things that want to or would kill him. No roads, no law, no infrastructure and he tackles it alone, with a few grand in his show and an old motorcycle. As I said, insanity. I'm only part way into the book, he is only just about to start on the journey and I am mesmerized by this guy.

Food blows. The cook should be fucking shot. I had pork loin that I COULD NOT CUT WITH A STEAK KNIFE, last night. Well, obviously I did not "have" it, I just put it on my plate and then tried to cut it. I actually had some white rice and two pieces of toast. Fuck me, the pounds are just melting off but I've got a permanent, gnawing pain in my gut. Starving to death must be extremely unpleasant :( And on that note, it is time to shut down and head for what passes on here as "dinner". Later people.

still alive and kicking

2009-12-10T09:23:00.001-06:00

I'm still out here and haven't given up entirely on the blog and writing in general. Today, I posted a product review on my other site. Its hunter-specific and if you can't appreciate talk of anal cavities and entrails, well, you might want to skip it. The Butt-Out (TM) is a wonderful thing, but it's not for everyone, just hunters and people who like butt jokes.

I'm back down in Colombia. It's hot (91), sunny, windy and the seas are rough. Work is a bitch and I'm struggling. The lack of sleep during travel and now onboard, is making me a bastard to live and work with, but such is the nature of the job and myself. Hopefully, things will get ironed out in the very near future and I can look forward to steaming back up to the States for the holidays. Freeport is high on my list of places to be in 2 weeks.

I hear of a blizzard back home and wish with all my heart I was there for it. I LOVE extreme winter weather. LOVE.

Hope you all are safe, happy and healthy and for those of you in the Upper Midwest, warm and cozy.

First buck of the season

2009-11-22T06:13:00.000-06:00

Heading out pretty quick to see about a second buck, but if you haven't seen my first buck of the season on one of my other outlets, well, here's a couple of shots PW took when she popped out to help me drag and gut it. That's right, she helped me drag and gut a deer. I am a lucky man and well do I love her.

home for deer season

2009-11-13T07:35:00.003-06:00

Made it home. Choppered off the ship Thursday afternoon in slightly rough weather, but had no troubles. Spent a relaxing night in Cartagena with my good buddy from the ship. We hung out at the pool bar, had a few cold ones and a great meal. Later, a few of the crew showed up to tell of exploits at the festival in town. Most of them were covered in blue paint and foam. Two of them had their wallets stolen. Mine was inside the safe in my room:) Bought my girls some bracelets from a little old lady and sacked out early, but not before I sat on the balcony listening to a hired guitarist lay down both Santana and Satriani. Flying home from Colombia was also pretty decent. Very short connections at every stop was kind of tough, but I pulled it off and arrive on time at about 9:30 last night. PW was kind enough to feed me and I managed to get some sleep. Her and I are heading out in the woods to check my blind, drop off some bait and supplies for the coming week. How awesome is my wife? She put up my blind and laid out bait, yesterday, while I was flying! Yes, that awesome. Words do not do her justice. Nor do I.

and another 20 hours pass in a blur of coffee, smokes, bad food and non-stop oldies from 1972...

2009-11-08T20:50:00.000-06:00

Long day of client meetings, report-writing, practical jokes and preparing for crew-x, looming in 4 days. Busy as a 3-legged cat trying to bury shit on a marble floor. Yeah.

Tree sap

2009-11-04T10:45:00.001-06:00

So, I'm sitting in the sauna last night and I look at the wall next to my head and see a small dribble of sap coming out of on of the wooden slats and my mind wanders back to a few weeks ago when I was out in the middle of a swamp, doing some recon for hunting and while leaning against a tree, notice a small dribble of sap coming out of a crack in the tree. The sauna, the swamp, the cracks and the sap, back and forth. I'm the only one that uses the sauna on this ship.

And I thought about ending up in a sauna, on a ship, off the coast of Colombia, and seeing something familiar from yet another place I hang out that nobody else visits and reflecting on how weird my life is, for the millionth time. Growing up as middle-class, burnout, punk who didn't finish high school I never expected to end up taking a sauna off the coast of Colombia (unless it was as a drug mule), OR spending endless days in the remote woods and swamps of Upper Michigan and especially being at home and at peace, there. And as for the sap? Maybe we always subconsciously look for connections to home, wherever we are, but it was still a strange experience that has been on my mind all day. That's it.

Meme for lack of better content

2009-11-03T10:05:00.000-06:00

Read this meme on on Murder & Mayhem and for lack of anything else worthwhile to say, I decided to do it, myself. What the hell, its better than a blank space:)

Where is your cell phone? In my closet, back in my cabin. Left it there 3 weeks ago-I hope its still there...
Your hair? Grey and falling out rapidly, thanks to work.
Your mother? Dead.
Your father? Dead.
Your favorite food? Venison burritos.
Your dream last night? Think "The Stand" by SK. A blogger and her child appeared in supporting roles, which was REALLY weird.
Your favorite drink? Toss up between Guinness, Grey Goose and a Cabernet I can't afford. I could include the gallon of coffee I drink every day...
Your dream/goal? To live long enough and make enough money to put all my kids through college and see them grown.
What room are you in? Processing Pit.
Your hobby? Dunno. My kids, hunting? I do nothing else. Oh, reading! (getting old and my memory is slipping)
Your fear? Dying before my kids are grown and able to fend for themselves.
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Still alive.
Where were you last night? In the Processing Pit for 18 hours.
Something that you aren't? Terribly happy.
Muffins? Only in airports
Wish list item? Utility 4-wheeler for plowing and hunting. Or a new hammer. Broke the claws off of mine, using it as a pry bar for 20 years.
Where did you grow up? Hitch-hiking across the country, I would have to say. Born in the Motor City, though.
Last thing you did? Made a mug of instant coffee and smoke a cig w/ my buddy, Rollie.
What are you wearing? Orange work clothes, safety glasses and a boat knife.
Your TV? Here, the biggest, fuck-off wide-screen you have ever seen, but I don't use it. Ever. Home-an old piece of shit that squeals and hurts my ears.
Your pets? Idiot black lab who watches over my precious girls and I love him for that.
Friends? Mr. Budd.
Your life? I have two. One, at home and one at sea and they are very, very different.
Your mood? Usually very dark.
Missing someone? Yes, very much.
Vehicle? 1998 Ford F-150.
Something you're not wearing? Street clothes.
Your favorite store? Freeman's Gun Shop, except they don't have my bullets this year!
Your favorite color? Black
When was the last time you laughed? Last night at #unseenprequals
Last time you cried? Cannot remember, but not too long ago, I'm sure.
Your best friend? Mr Budd.
One place that I go to over and over? The Processing Pit, onboard and my daughter's school, at home.
One person who emails me regularly? My wife, but not regularly enough. I miss her.
Favorite place to eat? Home. Cannot beat PW's cooking. She rules. Wish I were as good.

and I'll add:
Favorite place? Here-the sauna. Home-the woods.
Favorite musical artist? The Satch, Joe Satriani.

Peace

What to do?

2009-10-31T14:24:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure exactly what's going on, to be perfectly honest. I've kept this blog going with more or less daily posts, for something like 3 years, with a year or so prior of my previous blog, which I had to shut down d/t work issues. Lately? I'm just not posting. Part of it has been work-related, in that onboard I have been working hellish hours, under a lot of stress and when I get off, I also have a lot of things to do and simply want to spend time with my wife, children and friends. Whatever the case, this blog has suffered greatly in the past several months and I find myself questioning the validity of keeping it open.

I think about the fact that over the years it has served several purposes, more than admirably. I've had a place ot keep my family and friends up to date with my worldly wanderings. I've had a place to vent, a place to be creative. I've met some WONDERFUL people as a direct result of this blog. One of them, LL, has become part of my extended family. We LOVE her and our vacations together have been a huge treat. Man, can she cook the vittles, too:) I've received, advise, gifts, cool links, GREAT reading recommendations, a chance to write and coorespond with the wonderful and creative folks at FTTW (we still email and they are still, all, drop-dead funny), and the chance to explore other people's writing and lives-something I will always cherish, no matter if I keep writing, or not. Even as a non-blogger, I will always read, especially those on my blogroll, that I've been reading for years, now.

So, I know blogs come and blogs go. I don't know if mine will go, yet.

AND, in a pathetic attempt to update anyone who reads here, but doesn't follow me on Twitter -I'm in Colombia, not far offshore from Cartagena, or Baranquilla, take your pick. I'm working my ass off, it's hot, humid, sunny and mostly very rough. I've still got ten fingers, ten toes and my sense of humor (which really was never any good, but it's still here).

Who needs a spoonful of sugar?

2009-10-20T09:57:00.001-05:00

We're finally back in operation as of last night. Worked a LONG, 17-hr shift then was woken up early this morning after a crappy, four hour nap to deal with all sorts of shit-problems everyone else is having, that I HAVE TO SOLVE, RIGHT NOW. I am not a happy camper. Maybe before half the day is gone, I MIGHT get to work on my own issues. Gee, it's good to be back at work.

In other news, I ate a tablespoon of instant coffee this morning, just to wake up enough to be able to think straight. It actually tasted good. Is that a bad sign?

Back in the saddle, again

2009-10-18T08:44:00.001-05:00

I'm fully immersed in the work now. The operation isn't actually up and running, which is a blessing as I have a rather complicated workflow to set up and prosecute. After nearly 2 full days onboard, I'm still reading emails and handover notes, trying to get a handle on what is supposed to be done for this project. Damn.

Yesterday, after just getting here, I get an email requesting I choose flights home. Going to be a very short and fast trip.

I'm suddenly getting solicited to review products on my blog, offers for free shit and whatnot. I've got mixed feelings on this. Any comments? I started my (largely ignored, lately) review blog to let people know when I come across a product I feel strongly about, not to get free shit and promote (or trash-talk) just anything. Let me amend that statement. I haven't ignored the review blog, I just haven't come across anything l feel strongly about, lately. Well, I did manage to drink a little good beer over the break and have been kicking around the idea of reviewing my favorite brew pub and their yummy beers...KBC, KBC, KBC....

Heard on Twitter (from Tony Robbins) that Sir Richard Charles Nicholas Branson is going to begin offering tickets for commercial space flight next year. I think I have finally found a reason to be very wealthy. Tickets to space would fall somewhere between a new deer rifle and a new fishing pole.

Finally, as nice as it is to be working back in my home quadrant of the globe, it looks to get even better-there is a good chance I'll be starting up a multi-ship operation back in US waters at the end of the year, or early next year :)

home away from home

2009-10-15T15:41:00.000-05:00

And THIS is the place I'm "stuck" at...

Kicking back in Colombia

2009-10-15T15:18:00.001-05:00

Its amazing that I've let the blog go so long without an update of some sorts. All I can say is that my break was WAY too short and I simply needed to spend time with my family and get a bit of work done, too.

I'm currently kicking back in Cartagena, Colombia in a 5-star resort on the beach. I'm sitting in a GIANT, tented lobby/balcony, overlooking the pool and the beach right now, contemplating whether or not to get a drink, or something to eat before I take a nap in the gentle ocean breeze that's making me very, very sleepy. A siesta is definitely in order.

I ended up here after missing a connection in Houston at crew-x, which in turn, caused me to miss the boat out to my ship. Sooo, I spent a pleasant night and day in Bogota, then flew here last night. I spent some time with the offgoing crew, who turned up a few hours after me, last night. They were too eager to party and figuring I was heading to work this morning, I begged off and crashed in the hammock swinging on my balcony, overlooking the ocean. During the night, a storm blew in and blowing rain forced me back into my suite. Poor me.

Actually, as nice as it is here (and man, is it fucking NICE), it just isn't that enjoyable without my wife here to enjoy it with me. Ocassionally, I end up, through some twist of fate, in places like this, but it sucks being alone. Eating, drinking and wandering around on your own is, in a word, lonely. Honey, if you read this, I really wish you were here. I would rather be at work than sitting in a place like this, by myself :(

ps. 5-star resorts in Cartagena are not fucking cheap. Six bucks for a 6000ml bottle of water! Don't even ask about beer...

Sleeping beauty

2009-09-27T09:11:00.001-05:00

Funny thing. I've slept day and night for four days and nights. I feel ok, but I also feel like I could sleep 10 hours right now. And I just woke up from 14 hours solid sleep. Strange. I'm the kind of guy who can only sleep 5 hours, no matter how tired.

LP and I are off for a half day adventure, somewhere. Maybe the woods, if the weather hold, maybe bowl a couple games if it rains. Doesn't matter.

Home for real

2009-09-26T08:52:00.001-05:00

Finally home with no courses, travel or crew-x looming on the horizon. I've slept most of the last two days and nights and am feeling human with a mug of coffee and Baileys sitting in front of me. Its raining today, but I think LP and I are going to head into town to pick up a shipping box for our soldier's care package and maybe do a little shopping. I've also got to clean out my workshop sometime today, or tonight. Maybe a BBQ tonight, or tomorrow. Mr. Bud??

In other news, my oppo on the ship has just informed me that the next crew-x will be on our regularly scheduled date, nearly 3 WEEKS away!!!!

Day 1 of offshore survival courses

2009-09-21T17:40:00.000-05:00

Up early and out the door by 7, I spent most of the day in class, listening to lectures. Safety, first-aid, life-boat, offshore legislation, etc. We did some CPR, trained on the AED (automatic external defibrillator) launched an enclosed, motorized life boat, but it was mostly lecture-based and boring. After class, I stuck around to check out the escape chute used on North Sea rigs. Very cool, like something you might in a McDonald's play area, but its deadly serious business to escape a burning, exploding rig. Tomorrow is FIRE and sea-survival and promises to be much more fun, if we can manage to stay out of the classroom.

No rest for the wicked

2009-09-20T04:04:00.001-05:00

Although I've only been home 4 days, it is time to fly, again. This time, I'm off for Lafayette, LA. It's time for fire-fighting, first-aid and helicopter underwater escape training. Only a 5-day trip, but I sure wish I was staying home.

New port

2009-09-15T12:50:00.001-05:00

Sitting quayside in Cartagena. The steam into the bay was breathtaking. The quay? Not so much, but it looks like a front-end loader is loading giant bales of cocaine, right in front of our ship. No shit, there are clouds of white powder all around us. Very ironic if its actually flour, or something.

update

2009-09-14T14:57:00.001-05:00

Yes, I dropped off the blog'oshpere's radar for a while. I've been balls to the wall with a nasty, system upgrade and a port call in Trinidad. Both are done and I'm nearly done steaming to Cartagena, Colombia. We arrive tomorrow morning. I'll spend the day giving a handover, the night drinking like a fish in some seedy, port bar, then fly out next morning. Life has been hectic and it aint over yet.

Port

2009-09-06T06:22:00.000-05:00

It was good to leave Angola and West Africa in my wake. It was a glorious site to see Luanda fading astern as we sailed East across the Atlantic toward the Brazilian coast. Two weeks of quiet steaming, except for a small deviation to a collection of rocks poking out of the depths known as San Pedro Island. Noting really to see, but I doubt that there are many people in the history of mankind who can say they've laid eyes on those lonely rocks. Another week sailing North up the coast past Brazil, French Guyana, Suriname, Guyana and Venezuela and we come upon Trinidad and Tobago. This morning, we rounded the North end of Trinidad, made the Dragon's Mouth passage and are now waiting off Chaguarmas Harbor for the harbor pilot to take us into the quay where we can hit the Crews Inn and a bottle of rum.

I hear there is an American warship docked here. I hope to get a chance to walk over and thank them for their service, maybe buy a sailor or two a beer at the Crews Inn.

Au revior, l'amie ordinateur? Yes, my French sucks, so what?

2009-09-05T17:39:00.000-05:00

Close. So close I can smell the rum. I just wandered over to the vacant navigators station and fiddled around with the ECDIS, which I believe stands for Electronic Chart DISplay. It shows me steaming along 32.5 miles from the northwest point of Trinidad, at azimuth 260. Today we had a MOB drill, threw the dummy in the water, then launched the MOB. Unfortunately, we also tossed in a life ring and popped smoke. The poor MOB guys had to also bring back the still-smoking life ring. When they came alongside to get winched back up to the boat deck, they were completely enveloped in thick, bright orange smoke. Coughing so hard I thought the coxswain was going to puke.

After a fun and frolicking general safety meeting (NOT), I began tearing apart my system in earnest. Its been sort of emotional. I've been working with this system for nearly two years. We've gone through good times and bad, lean times and times of abdunace and productivity. Its woken me up in the middle of the night with various ailments and at times given me great joy when ploughing through tens of terabytes of processing, clicking along at 100%, all 112 CPUs firing out jobs like a phlanx gun spitting depleted uranium. And now I'm tearing out its heart and packing it into a large, wooden crate, wrapped in garbage bags, taped up to resemble a first-aid textbook dummy laid out in a casket. Its rather sad.

Tomorrow, as I sit in the Crews Inn, I'll be raising my first glass of rum in a toast to my system, the good old girl, TD cluster, as she heads off to the airport and Trinidadian customs, never to be seen again.

On the bright side, I've got a bad-ass replacement coming, bigger, stronger, faster-yeah, something like The Bionic Man. Cannot wait to take it out on the road, open it up and see what it can do!

Two days out

2009-09-04T05:56:00.000-05:00

Found out I am not the only one on the crew who has to stay on after crew-x and steam to Columbia. It doesn't help. Not one bit.

Had a wrinkly, old hot dog for breakfast. Instant coffee made with 7 scoops. 3 smokes. I'm in a foul mood and the storms on the horizon are mocking me.

Two days out of Chaguaramas. Two days away from a cold beer at the Crews Inn.

It was good to be king

2009-09-03T06:00:00.000-05:00

With sat comms restored, I've gotten pretty busy. Not too many emails waiting for me as we actually had so many that our mail server crashed and deleted them all. No tears shed, there. Still, I'm chasing up a hundred different things right now, in preparation for port call in Chaguaramas, Trinidad. Port call is going to be utter madness for me, as I will be sailing to Cartagena, Columbia instead of flying home, if I cannot get everything done.

Went up on deck about 5:30 this morning with my coffee, to watch the sunrise. The waters are a deep blue, but have that emerald green, when turned over in the bow wake. That's the Carribean as I remember it. Its been about 9-10 years since I've sailed these waters and they look awfully inviting after nearly a year of wallowing around off the mouth of the Congo.

Starting to firm up my travel plans for FIRE/HUET/SEA SURVIVAL training this coming break. Its a week out of the middle of my break, but "safety first" is the rule. Anyway, it looks like I'll be training in Lafayette, LA., the first place I ever trained at. Years ago, it was pretty lousy training and I pray its better now, but am not holding my breath. I'll miss the boys at TEEX and all the big fire. Damn, I'll miss all the big fire, especially that call at the end of the day to see if anyone wants MORE fire. I never missed the chance for more fire:(

So, I leave you with a couple more shots of the recent ceremony. Me as King Neptune, my queen, naughty nurse and attending pirates. I think my baby is missing, but I'll post another of him as the poor pollywogs are licking mayonaise out of his bellybutton...

Xing the line, again

2009-09-02T06:36:00.000-05:00

Along the way, we crossed the equator and once again, tortured a few pollywogs. They were judged, sentenced, force-fed some medicine (think oyster sauce, pesto, chili paste, strawberry sauce and vinegar), then bathed (in the foulest shit known to man), head shaved, humiliated, forced to lick mayonnaise out of the baby's bellybutton (oh joy!), then covered in custard. Afterward, we had a BBQ.

Across the pond

2009-09-02T05:18:00.001-05:00

So, this was the story as we crossed the pond, out of touch with the entire rest of the world, for two, very long weeks:

Day 1 without sat comms. We all find ourselves occasionally reaching to check email, or Google some vital piece of triva, or trival piece of vita. Seas are calm and its getting hotter as we head West by northwest, toward the equator. The sea looks beautiful and somehow more expansive.

Day 2 without sat comms. Fire drill today. My job was to grab someone and police up two spare lengths of fire hose, a nozzle and a couple of hose wrenches. Carrying a section and nozzle in one arm and the wrenches in my back pocket, I crossed the helideck to the bow and started down the stairs to the foc'sle deck, below. I didn't make the first step. They were slick with spray from the bow. My feet shot out from under me and I rocketed down the stairs like I was shot out of a cannon. I slid all the way out, flat out on the foc'sle. The back of my head hitting each stair on the way down sounded like a machine gun-baseball knot back there, now. The arm carrying the hose and nozzle smashed into the flat bar of the stair rail at the bottom, as I shot by. Ripped open my wrist and it swelled up like an August tomato. I've got bruises from the back of my head to my heels. Back is shot to hell.

Day 3 without sat comms. Took 45 minutes to get out of my rack and into a hot shower. I am one sore mo fo. Eating lots of pain pills and muscle relaxers. Medic just shakes her head when she sees me. I was damn lucky. There is no medi-vac from this far out. Still hurts like a bastard, though. We are beginning preparations for the torture of 22 poor souls who have not yet become shellbacks. Looks like I am King Neptune, again and the Chief Nav, my comely (homely) wife. He keeps nagging me for a new outfit for the ceremony. I told him I'm not made of money and if he wants a new dress he better damn well make it himself. After all, I've got to make my own crown, trident and braces for my wrists. Lots of cardboard, tin foil and spray paint...I now needs me robes, belt and sandals.

Day 4, no sat comms, dammit. System crashed. Re-booted one of my servers and found out it was connected to the sat comms. With no sat comms it hangs on WAN and I am dead in the water until sat comms are restored. Found a beard for King Neptune. Recycling Santa's kit...

Day 5, no freaking sat coms. No system. Lost samba connection to system. Time for house-cleaning. Drudge work. Well, that took all of an hour. Only like a week to go, dammit.

Day 6 of this crap. Work on the UPS (uninterruptable power supply that powers critical systems in times of crisis) means shutting down my entire system. With one server hung and one process inadvertantly shut down, I am not happy about the prospect.

Day fucking 7. We're nearing the middle of the Atlantic. I completely shut down my system, then spent 4 hours bringing it back online. Nearly everything was restored and I am back in business, preparing for my upgrade. Time to begin work on preparations for the ceremony. I need a trident, crown, hair, big fucking mustache, beard, some sort of robes, cape. Also have to set up some of the props and find myself a comfortable chair for a throne. I'm not holding court on a work bench.

8. Obtained a purple sarong from a Malaysian fellow. Made hair, crown and trident. Still need a damn cape and a throne...made a couple of tubs to dunk the pollywogs in. Tomorrow is the ceremony. Can you imagine swimming in a large vat of assorted juices, sauces, balsamic vinegar, cooking oil, grease, with a bucket of 4 day old food scraps mixed in? I'm talking egg shells, veggies, rotten meat, prawns, etc? The crap each pollywog must drink will be much the same..

Day 9. Long day! Started just after dwan, preparing tubs for them to be submerssed in, filled them with a horrible mixture of everything foul we could get our hands on. Set everything up, put on out costumes and led the pollywogs through the ritual. It was a blast. but once again, I was a very pasty white, partially clothed, King Neptune, venturing into the equatorial sun. I'm totally sunburned and exhausted. A few of us had to clean up after the ceremony, including washing the helideck with a fire hose and that just wore me out.

Day 10. We are still in the middle of the Atlantic, though closer to Brazil, than anything. We have detoured slightly to come alongside San Pedro Island-a tiny, largely unknown Island. It is, as far as we know, uninhabited and desolate, but we'll see in just a few more hours. Well. During a drill where we moved around the ship, refreshing our knowledge of various fire-fighting and first-aid apparatus and techniques, we passed to the North of the Island, or Islands. A motley collection of small rocks many hundreds of miles off the coast of Brazil. We saw three, small boats, a lighthouse and a satellite dish. No people. Very small, maybe a half-dozen acres at best, all rock and sand, coral and beach. Beautiful when viewed from the perpective of this rusty, old tub, but otherwise not much to look at.

Day 11 Nothing happening. Internal audits, wandering around the ship, laundry and sweet boredom.

Day 12. We're several hundred miles off the coast of South America, heading northwest past northern Brazil toward French Guayana and Suriname. I'm reduced to filing old emails and wishing I had some laundry to do. The weather has been unfailingly, hot and sunny with scattered clouds and fair seas. I see a lot of flying fish fleeing the bow wake. Looking forward to working out tonight, as the past two nights have been my nights off.

Day 13. Nothing. Fuckall.

Day 14. We received the codes for a new satellite, but nothing works. I wonder about my family. For all we know, WWIII has broken out, or the sun is about to go supernova. We are all frustrated.

Day 15 Woo Hoo! Sat comms are back.

This is Odyssey, signing off

2009-08-21T03:26:00.001-05:00

This should be my last post before LOS when my satellite comms drop out for about a week. We're currently steaming West in excess of 11 knots and as we leave the Angolan coast, we are also steaming out from under the footprint of the satellite I've been using to communicate with the outside world for the last 10 months. Because this move to the other side of the world is decidedly, very last-minute, we won't get access to the next satellite for at least a week. Paperwork, you know? So, sometime next week, or early into yet the next, we'll pop back into communication with the rest of humanity and the World-Wide Web.

I walked out on a deck this morning to have a look around while draining my first cuppa joe. It was dreary and grey. Sea the color of blued steel, faded, like the barrel of my old rifle on a cold November morning. Grey skies and the air so thick, you can see it. It felt sad and lonely up there so I came back in, quickly. I think it's likely just me, not looking forward to the loss of communication. I'm going to miss calls with my wife, LP in the background yelling, "I love you!", to get out of actually having to talk with her father on the phone. Going to miss the Internets, too and all you guys.

Well, this is it. I'll see you all on the other side, hopefully about one week out of Trinidad.

"Be safe and be happy today-tomorrow might be a real pisser." -me, right now

"So long, Earth. Catch you on the flip side." -Jack Swigert at lunar LOS, Apollo 13

Ear of the beholder

2009-08-20T04:27:00.001-05:00

Kublai asks Marco, "When you return to the West, will you repeat to your people the same tales you tell me?"
"I speak and speak," Marco says, "but the listener retains only the words he is expecting. The description of the world
to which you lend a benevolent ear is one thing; the description that will go the rounds of the groups of stevedores and
gondoliers on the street outside my house the day of my return is another; and yet another, that which I might dictate
late in life, if I were taken prisoner by Genoese pirates and put in irons in the same cell with a writer of adventure
stories. It is not the voice that commands the story: it is the ear."
Invisible Cities – Italo Calvino, 1972

Correction: It might hurt a little...

2009-08-19T08:34:00.001-05:00

So a quick Internets search gives me several options to calculating the optimal FAT BURN heart rate. My elliptical machine was totally full of shit. The correct rate is definitely above that of mine while sleeping and seems, in fact, to be a decent workout that I can feel after an hour. I even get to sweat.

This won't hurt a bit...

2009-08-18T13:29:00.000-05:00

So I started back on the elliptical machine. It has a computer. I choose FAT BURN. I program in my height, weight and age and it tells me what I need to do to burn fat the most efficiently. It tells me to lay down, close my eyes and relax. Really.

From here to Bogota

2009-08-18T05:04:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was a rare, good day. After a lot of worrying about getting more work for my ship, we got a job. It involves a nice, long steam across the pond, stops in Brazil and Trinidad and then finally, working in Columbia-somewhere I've yet to work. The excitement spread throughout the crew and everyone seemed in a good mood. Charts and maps were pulled out and poured over. Stories were traded. Everyone began to speculate on crew-x and whatnot. Not a bad day at all. I even began looking up flights from Cartegena and Bogota...

Today, reality sets in and the work begins. The one thing that stands out is that by several accounts, including some famous guy who sailed around the world, is that we are going to work the roughest waters in the world. It seems we had a ship nearly capsize there a few years ago. I thought Argentina and South of New Zealand were the worst:(

Midnight wake up

2009-08-17T04:06:00.000-05:00

Dead freaking tired this morning. Was awoken at 1am by a phone call from PW. Possible emergency so the adrenaline was pumping, big time. Thankfully, it was not an emergency, but I ended up emailing back and forth with my oldest daughter for an hour. After that I couldn't sleep. Too keyed up from the possibility that something bad happened to my family. Out here, you cannot help but be painfully aware that you are 12,000 miles and several days away from home no matter what happens and that if you have to DO anything, you only have a phone and email at your disposal. Even after 12 years, it's scary and frustrating and stressful.

Anyway, I'm just thankful that everyone is safe and well. The mood onboard is tinged with hope. The market is in pretty bad shape and we were looking at an extended period with no work, but it looks like we have a good shot at work in Brazil and relatively soon (few months). Right now any work is good, but Brazil is an added bonus, especially for me-it would get me back to the western hemisphere for the first time in years...

Ciao

Sleepy

2009-08-16T02:11:00.001-05:00

Sleepy today. Took a muscle relaxer last night before bed and I cannot seem to fully wake up this morning. Weather is overcast and cool, very nice for Africa. Still working on getting out of Angola and down to Namibia. Latest rumor is that we might pick up some work in Brazil. Beats West Africa by a mile, but it would take us a few weeks to steam across the Atlantic...

Health care reform alternatives

2009-08-15T05:00:00.000-05:00

Found this to be interesting, informative and thought-provoking. Got it from an Adam Savage tweet this morning. I don't stand too far away from most of his views, actually. I think Mr. Mackay has presented a few common-sense, low-cost/no-cost solutions to some (not all) of the problems with our current health care system-inexpensive, largely painless alternatives to a (potentially) bureaucracy-bloated, government-controlled, mess. As for the end of his column, I have no plans to give up my red meat, chili dogs and twinkies for granola.

"...and I shall grind whatever grist the mill requires"

2009-08-15T02:53:00.000-05:00

Another day in paradise. Paperwork, computer maintenance are the tasks of the day. Wishing we would head for Namibia, but we still have some testing and gear retrieval to accomplish, first.

***

Came across a website dedicated to one of my favorite authors. The author is a regular, DAILY, participant on the discussion boards! I cannot convey in words what a delight this is!! Many of the books I read are of the world-building, sci-fi genre, where the reader is required to invest more than bit of grey matter in order to understand the underlying physics and natural laws that govern the universe the story is set in. The particular series I'm talking about is so well-written that in addition to the time and thought invested in understanding the universe, I've found myself emotionally invested in the characters, over the years and I've been reading this series for over 10 years (15 books, 7500 pages worth). What a treat it is to have 10 years of questions, now answerable. Post a question and the author usually responds in a day, or two. That kind of dedication to your fans is pretty much unheard of, especially from an author of over 50 novels . I am pleased as punch:)

***

The thyme-scented coffee makes me gag in the morning...

Parsley Sage Rosemary and Folgers

2009-08-14T07:44:00.000-05:00

My day starts bad. I wake up 3 hours after my shift begins. Bad. Bad. Bad.

I go for coffee. Open the cupboard where the instant coffee and fixins are and it smells like spaghetti, or something...

Make coffee, take Malarone and head out back for a smoke. Take a drink of my coffee and it smells strongly like pizza, or spaghetti...
Back to the cupboard, I start digging around and....the makeshift sugar jar WAS a jar of THYME, now used for sugar. Good Times.

Tired and grumpy

2009-08-13T03:35:00.000-05:00

Another day in paradise. Woke up exhausted and I've been onboard less than a week. This place saps the energy out of you at first, due to your body fighting the constant rocking of the boat and the pressure of the job that ramps up as soon as your opposite departs on crew-x day. Thank god for coffee, as the Malarone I'm taking for malaria is also wiping me out and giving me nightmares all night. Malarone, coffee and a smoke-breakfast of champions!

***

Yesterday, the sat comms began to noticeably deteriorate. They are shit, now. I've been able to get through checking, replying to email and Twitter and managed to read most of the my usual blogs in Google Reader, but it took hours. Still working on communications to and from the office. Priorities.

***

Was thinking today that I'm supposed to be a geophysicist-one of those geeks who sits at a desk fiddling with his pocket protector. As someone mentioned to me the other day, I'm the exception to every rule. Instead of a pocket protector in my button down shirt, I'm sitting here in bright orange work pants and ratty T-shirt with a six-inch boat knife strapped to my leg. I'm prepared to gut my computer like a fish if it gives me the slightest error. I'm contemplating taking a break from the chair to head out back and strip barnacles from the in-sea gear with a heavy rope and my trusty knife. Later this week I start getting re-certified in crane operations, rigging and slinging. Swinging 20-ton loads around with a 60 ft crane on a rolling, pitching ship is....interesting, I guess you could say. Next month I head off to get re-certified in HUET and prepare myself to get out of a helicopter after it crashes into the sea, flips upside-down and sinks underwater. That and FIRE fighting. I loves me some fire.

Anyway, I'm feeling very reflective and wondering how I ended up out here in such a weird fucking job. All I ever wanted to do in life was genetically modify humans, go into space, or pound on rocks with a hammer-not this shit. I'm not complaining, mind you, just wondering how fate managed to dump me out here off the coast of West Africa instead of a regular, 9-5 existence. My only real complaint is that I miss my wife and children and friends, terribly. OK, maybe also the sometimes really shitty food, or the fact that I can't drink milk for 7 months/year. Some green vegetables that aren't brown would be nice once in a while, too.

Still, as Tony Robbin's tweet today says "When the heart grieves over what it has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left." - Sufi quote. My spirit rejoices in the fact that I have a job at all, in these tough times. I hope you all are healthy, happy and at peace on this fine day.

Musical Statistics

2009-08-12T07:14:00.000-05:00

Adding some tags, loves and tracks to my Last.fm library (all 49 pages of the shit) and I end up wasting time, cruising my musical neighbor's sites for tracks to steal. At one site, I find a group and on their discussion board a post links this. Funny. Shit.

Still wrapping up things here in (off of ) Angola. Deleting 10 months of work off the system is seriously depressing, though. All that work, one click and *poof* its gone:(

The crane is working overtime, right over my head. Hard to concentrate with the freaking howling of the hydraulics. Got my music turned up LOUD and its just not helping.

This trip there was one other American onboard. She's leaving today, leaving me as the resident Yank. Things are going to get tougher.

Finally, the British Chief Mechanic on here brought me back a book he picked up years ago, oddly, when he was passing through the states. Its about a corporate manger-type who goes to the big house for manslaughter and chronicles his time in the joint. Its dark and funny and twisted and I highly recommend it after reading the first 237 pages non-stop last night till 1am. Go get yerself some "You Got Nothing Coming"

Even more odd is that my opposite, who is also British, also just left me a book in the cabin we both occupy. Its also about a guy who does time in prison, but in Thailand, for drugs. I'm suddenly wondering what these British guys think of me...I mean, I haven't seen the inside of a cell in fucking years, dawgs.

Fine drinking establishments around the world

2009-08-11T04:26:00.002-05:00

Screwing around in FB today. Noticed I've been to 402 cities in 35 countries. I've been freaking everywhere, seen nothing, done nothing but fly in, eat, sleep, and drink in bars, then fly out. Been to some damn fine bars, though...

Speaking of that, I am reminded of this little place next to a dirt airstrip in the jungles of Myanmar that I stopped in for a coffee and a cheroot, in hopes of toning down a bastard of hangover. They gave me shots of some sort of home-made hooch that you drink out of a large insect shell. Made me sort of not right in the head, like a .45 caliber slug. Not that drinking in the jungle at 6am is going to set things right in yer noggin...

And so I wonder. Do you know what a cheroot is? Cheroot is one of the distinctive icons of Myanmar. These cigars are made with a blend of tobacco and fragrant wood chips, then rolled up using a dried green leaf called the 'tha nat phet'. After adding a filter made of corn husks, the cheroot is ready to rock. They are mostly handmade by women in the Inle Lake region, but can be found everywhere in the country. I certainly had no trouble bumming one off of any local I met. They are by far the most wonderful smoke that doesn't alter your brain chemistry that I've ever had the pleasure of.

And I have missed them, terribly, ever since leaving Yangon in a panic, where I think the small handfull I had were taken by some soldiers who wanted to use me as their very own American-made punching bag. That, or I dropped them in my rush to get out of their makeshift boxing gym. I remember asking everyone I met in Suvarnabhumi Airport ( I escaped Myanmar to Bangkok) for one, but none were to be found. A girl in the airport massage parlour (legitimate! I had back issues!) gave me a little Chinese cigar from a wooden box, but it wouldn't smoke because of these little, round holes in the leaf wrapping. She told me they were worm holes...

Welcome to the jungle

2009-08-11T01:52:00.000-05:00

Some days I really love my job. Not often, but some days it's like juggling. I throw up 15-20 tasks and bang out 2-3 minutes on each one before it hits the ground, non-stop for 12-15 hours and then another day has passed in the blink of an eye. Today started like the beginning of the GnR song Welcome to the Jungle, with Axl screaming. The shit just ramped up to fever pitch in like 30 seconds when I walked into my office and I was off like a fucking rocket. I wish I could shoot up a load of java instead of having to stop to drink. I've begun the prep work for upgrading my computer system. Its going to be one big, bad motherfucker in about 2 1/2 more weeks. If it works, anyway. You know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby. You're gonnna die....

/offtoburnupsomeenergyonthebackdeckinthehotafricansun

To burp or not to burp

2009-08-10T12:39:00.000-05:00

My beloved cooks made me a pepperoni and onion pizza tonight. Sadly, they had no mushrooms, but the za was perfection. Ate seven large pieces. Having trouble breathing. Walking is out of the question. Burping is good. Wishing I could pass gas. "Just one thin mint..."

Somebody call 911@foodcoma.com

Time for the leaving...

2009-08-10T08:02:00.000-05:00

So, next up for The Pirate's ship is Walvis Bay, Namibia. Extended port call and drinks all around. I'll be off the coast of Angola for another week, then clear the country and a few days steam to Walvis Bay. A lot of work to do between here and there, remains though. Deploying, testing and retrieving gear, final reports, shipments, repairs and all that rot, but it feels damn good to be leaving Angola behind. Its been 10 long months here and none of it has been pleasant.

Here we go again

2009-08-10T01:38:00.000-05:00

Slightly more than half way through the commute. I had decent flights to Luanda this time. Spent most of a nine-hour layover in London Heathrow at the Yotel. Luxuriated in fours sleep and two showers. Had a great seat on the plane to Luanda. Arrived at 4am, spent 3 hours in the immigration cage, an hour in an office across the street from the airport and I'm now in the cage at the quay. We're waiting for some sort of food in a box and for our supply boat to dock. Looking forward to a 20-hour steam out to the prospect and my ship. Word is that we are nearly done here in Angola and will be steaming to Nambibia, soon, where we'll spend time drinking before heading home, again.

Luanda is much the same as I left it. Dirt, dust, crumbling adobe and mud bricks. Tin held down by debris and small children sitting in the dirt playing with garbage. Stray dogs and traffic jams. Soldiers and women carrying goods on their heads. I will not be sorry to leave this place.

***
Made it to the ship. Spent a total of 6 hours between the airport immigration lounge and the cage on the docks. Overnight we steamed to the prospect and I actually strung together 8 hours sleep before and after dinner. At one point, I began to dream that somebody was in trouble...I could hear them yelling "help me!" as if from a great distance, a faint calling. Slowly, I woke up. I could still hear him. "Help me." "Please help me." "Its hot in here." W.T.F? I could hear one of the crew pleading for help. I sat up and looked around the darkened metal container I was sharing with eight other guys. Suddenly, I hear the captain in the bunk below roll over and swear. He gets out and starts giving the unseen chap in distress a rash of shit. Turns out one of the crew had locked himself in the containers makeshift bathroom and could not get out. He was slowly baking to death inside there. For the next 20 minutes I lay in my bunk, pissing myself laughing as they tried to extricate him. Eventually, they had to tear the door down to get him out. The poor guy emerged in his boxers and socks, dripping with sweat and still looking more than slightly panicked. I drifted back off to sleep, still chuckling.

Later, not long after I woke, showered and sat out on the back deck, evidently another crew member did the same thing and once again the door had to be removed to get him out. Good times.

Anyway, we eventually reached the prospect and my ship, took a short ride over in the jet boat and after a short handover, I headed out on the back deck to deploy gear where I got a decent workout, barnacle juice in my eye and then shuffled off to sauna and to sleep the sleep of the dead.

I woke up for my first full shift a full hour late this morning. Not good. Mucho java before I head back out on deck and start playing with winches and reels and tensions measured in tens of tons.

Swing and a miss...

2009-08-05T09:50:00.001-05:00

As usual, the combination of office pukes and Angolan Immigration have managed to screw up crew-x. I'm still home...

Sitting at the dining room table drinking coffee on my last full day at home. I head for Angola tomorrow. It's a beautiful morning and I can hear my girls talking and giggling upstairs, still in bed. Number one son is still passed out cold. All I have to do is pack, charge batteries, get a haircut, book a Yotel cabin at London Heathrow, print my travel documents and take care of a few loose ends around the house.

Leaving on a jet plane...

2009-08-03T09:42:00.000-05:00

Just found out I am not leaving for Africa in 4 days. I'm leaving tomorrow morning due to visa issues:(

Summer vacation and winter wood

2009-07-29T22:29:00.002-05:00

Yep. I've been busy. After a few days home, spent sleeping and fishing we packed up LP and the mutt and drove down to my FIL's cabin on a small lake. We then spent another week fishing, sleeping and eating like royalty. Man, the food is really, really good down there. The fishing was also great, if you were LP. Her and I went out every day in a little paddle boat. I typically caught 2-3 fish to her 25. She caught the biggest damn perch I've ever seen-a 14" master angler freaking perch. It would've looked nice mounted between the 12" crappie and the 10" bluegill she also caught.

We made it back home on Sunday night and did absolutely nothing on Monday, but the last two days I've been putting up firewood for the winter. I've got 4 full cords cut, split and stacked in the woodshed, alongside my driveway, in the basement racks and the rack in the living room is half full. The only thing left to do is split a little kindling and I'm ready for the snow.

Now, if my back recovers before I have to fly out in a week, I'll be a happy man.

Summer fun

2009-07-18T07:19:00.001-05:00

One of the downsides to my piracy career is that often I miss a season, or get very little of it. Such is the case with this summer. I've three weeks now and then it's over for me. With motivation like that, I woke LP early yesterday. Fed her a hearty breakfast, dressed her warm and off we went for an early morning fish. We started on one of our favorite streams to hike. It has a wooden boardwalk on both sides, as it winds lazily through a slough, into the big canal that divides the two biggest towns in this area. Its also dotted with several fishing stations and benches along the way, but in the end, despite the beauty of the river and the comfort of the boardwalk, it remains a fall salmon river only, unless you hike way up into the headwaters to hunt for brookies.

We left and hit another favorite spot, this time a favorite for fishing. A small, wooded point on the canal, it's right in town, but nearly always deserted and boasts a 24 ft drop-off. We drifted worms and pieces of hotdog, but the wind and current were against us. Hiking back to the car, LP found a nice piece of float copper. After a quick lunch, we next fished a long, wooden dock on the canal right in front of Mr. Budd's house. LP had all the luck and I had a wonderful time watching her.

Instead of going home in the afternoon, LP wanted to go four-wheeling. We drove out into the bush and I gave LP the wheel. She loves to drive and especially in the mud. She drove us all over the woods, finding every single mud bog in the forest. We also stopped at our favorite wilderness lakes, saw a timberdoodle, deer and some ducks. After LP took a year, or two off the life of the truck, we limped home and I stayed pretty close to the couch for the rest of the evening.

Finally, that other summer tradition, ticks. Got a big, hairy bastard trying to suck me dry right through my kneecap. Smothered him in vasoline and scraped him off a few minutes later. Ticks.

The trip home

2009-07-15T15:58:00.001-05:00

Almost home. I've made it to Atlanta. It's been 50 hours since I left my ship, since I slept. The trip started out badly when my backpack and laptop got soaked during the jet boat ride over to the supply ship. I didn't find out until the next morning, as it was only wet on the bottom, but during the night it soaked up through everything. I emptied my bag and laid everything out at the entrance to the engine room, where 120-degree air constantly blows up from a stairwell, and it all dried pretty quickly. This is the first time I've powered up the laptop and it works (knock wood). The ride into Luanda, Angola took about 20 hours. Spent most of the time reading, watching movies or bullshitting with a guy from one of the other boats in the operation. I haven't seen him since we worked together up in Alaska a few years ago, which coincidentally, was the start of my original blog, Life of a Pirate.

I should note that on that ship we live in a metal box, or container, strapped down on the back deck. From living in the box, we moved into the cage on the dock in Luanda. This time we literally walked in and right back out of the cage, which was a treat. Any day not in the cage is a good one. We took a bus up the bluff to the airport. Our driver was obviously paid by the mile. our navigators reckoned we drove a star pattern, taking us to each corner of the city along the way.

Our handlers efficiently shuffled us through to ticketing and then promptly split. Running the gauntlet of security, customs, immigration and the Quanza Man (TM) is simply a major fucking drag. Everyone you encounter except the Quanza Man (TM) likes to stare at you and do nothing. Just stare. I think they look for a reaction to see if you're running late, then they stare longer while you sweat and fidget. I smile a lot and try hard to fart. That is usually a very effective buzzkill that immediately gets you shuffled to the next official.

So, I farted at customs, passed gas at immigration and managed security without the need for flatulence and then had to face the Quanza Man (TM).

Quanza Man (TM) is unique in my experience and he has one of the best jobs in the world. He is paid to steal your money, if he can. Thats it. You have to enter his office and he tries to steal your money. I was out of gas by the time I got to his office and well, it doesn't work on him, anyway. You see, he wears a rubber glove to work. Yep. He'll find that cash even if you've keistered it. And this is what happens: Quanza man holds up a rubber-gloved finger and asks you if you have any Quanza (local currency). I say no. He asks again, wiggling the finger, looking for a sign of weakness. I say no, I work on a ship-no Quanza. Then he demands US dollars. I say I have none. He then demands all my money. I say no. He says give me your US dollars and I lean forward, say no and stare into his dead eyes. We stay locked like this for at least a full minute as he waits for me to break. I don't and he tells me to get out.

It happens this way every time I'm confronted by Quanza Man (TM). For others, it goes differently and mostly a bit tougher. He is, after all wearing a rubber glove and he's not afraid to use it. Mostly, he gets people to open their wallets, turn out their pockets, or open their carry-ons. If you're weak enough to agree, he'll take any currency he finds and stuff it in his pocket, unless you raise all holy hell. He's hard to stop once he sees your money, which is why I simply stare him down and say no to whatever he demands. This time he manged to get one guy to open a wallet that had at least ten different currencies and they spent some long minutes yelling about it. I tell you, I wish I had that fucker's job.

Anyway, I went to the bar, slammed 6 beers in 20 minutes and flew the fuck outta there. Had a couple hours layover in Johannesburg, South Africa. Hit the lounge for a while, then had a decent Malaysian curry with a couple of my shipmates from the Philippines. The flight from Jo'burg was 16 hours. Man, I hate those long ones. I start to question my sanity after about 12 hours and start talking to myself soon after that.

Atlanta is a decent airport, overlooking the long trek to the main terminal, and a place where you can smoke. Met a lot of soldiers. They are everywhere in here and it's simply impossible to say hello, welcome them back, or wish them luck and thank them for their service. It would be a full time job for like an army of people. Anyway, I thanked as many as I could while waiting in line for security and whatnot.

Now its off to my next flight and Minnie...only two more to go!

UPDATE: I'm home, recovering pretty well and heading out to see the new Harry Potter movie with all 3 of my kids!!

In which I exit stage left

2009-07-12T01:29:00.000-05:00

Up with the dawn patrol this morning. The sea was black as the sun popped up over the horizon. Managed to eat a few bites of breakfast and dutifully took my Malarone to ward of the evil malaria. I'm a little tired, but ready to get the hell off here in another 4 hours, or so. Stayed up kind of late last night doing laundry and watching a little British telly with the gun chief. We spent a few hours trading stories and talking about the old days in this business.

Anyway, the seas are calm, my supply ship's ETA is 1100 hrs. Jet boat is fueled up and we are ready to rock.

I'll see all you cats on the beach, Tuesday.

Web cam

2009-07-11T12:44:00.001-05:00

So I'm sitting out here slightly bored, whiling away the last hour of my last full shift. I only have a short 5-6 hours to cover tomorrow morning, before crew-x. I'm surfing the web and come across a website in my bookmarks I haven't seen in a while and remember that it has a web cam only a mile or so from my house. Called up PW and LP and asked them to stop at the cam on their way into town. You can walk right up to this one. They did and I got to see them on the web cam:) Nice treat to be able to see them when I'm 12,000 miles away and hundreds of miles offshore. It also makes a nice wallpaper for the computer as I spend my last hours onboard. I guess I'll throw up an update tomorrow morning, but for now...time to sauna, do laundry, pack and try to catch a few hours sleep before the long journey home. You all have a great day, a wonderful weekend and if you happen to be in the Copper Country, I'll see you soon.

Flag Dispute

2009-07-11T03:44:00.000-05:00

Found this to be interesting. According to my admittedly feeble knowledge of law and tradition and the principles this country was founded on, I think this veteran was within his rights and further has earned the right to signal his distress by flying his flag upside down, having offered his life to defend it.

It is, in some ways, a tough nut, in that we founded this country on the belief that people have the right to offend each other, but there it is. Living under the flag gives you the right to burn it in protest, if you're so inclined. It is exactly that basic freedom that makes us who we are as a nation and a people and not a bunch of poor schmucks living under a King, or much, much worse.

I think the Marinette County District Attorney might need to pull his head out of his ass, especially after citing that it's illegal to cause a disruption as any decent lawyer could tear his ass apart in court for trying to portray a difference of opinion as a disruption (I see no mention of people rioting in the streets over this). Whatever, it was an interesting story and not all that far from home, either.

Happy Birthday Nicky!

2009-07-10T09:28:00.001-05:00

For those who find enjoyment in learning why things are, today is Nikola Tesla's Brithday! He was born in Serbia, contributed to the scientific world like few others, in the fields of electromagnetics, robotics, radar, nuclear physics, ballistics and many others. The SI unit of magnetic measure (actually the measure of magnetic flux density ), the Tesla, is named after him. My favorite Tesla fact is that he calculated the resonant frequency of the Earth (~8Hz). Happy b-day Nicky.

The distance from here to there

2009-07-10T04:44:00.000-05:00

Crew-x is right around the corner, only 72 hours hence. Doing a bit of rough navigation, I've calculated the Great Circle routes home.

From Luanda, Angola
Latitude: 8° 50' 17" S
Longitude: 13° 14' 3" E

to Johannesburg, South Africa
Latitude: 26° 12' 0" S
Longitude: 28° 5' -1" E

That's 1,339 miles, or 2,480 Km.

Then northwest from there to Houghton, Mi
Latitude: 47° 7' 19" N
Longitude: 88° 34' 8" W

For another 8,750 miles, or 14,081 Km.

Adding up the two gives me a grand total commute of 10,089 miles, or 16,561 Km, as the crow flies.

This time around, I've got excellent flights and layovers which should put me at about 29 hours total flying time, plus a 24 hour boat ride into Luanda and half a day clearing customs and immigration. All in all, not a bad commute home as long as I can avoid rush hour traffic...

Better to be pissed off than pissed on

2009-07-09T03:21:00.001-05:00

Stunning news, just "leaked" to the public. Current energy suppliers will be "pissed", as demand for their contributions to the energy "stream" diminishes.
"Yer in" for some big changes when pee power hits the market, putting the oil and coal industries.... in the toilet.

Kill them all

2009-07-09T02:58:00.001-05:00

I think I might have possibly mentioned in the past that I get upset with the majority of fellow fliers not following the carry-on baggage rules and observing some sort of respect of others when loading their bags in the overhead bins. Well, if it takes big brother, then that's what it takes.

As many miles of wire as the Q house...

2009-07-09T02:48:00.000-05:00

Dude! They're going to bulldoze the Bevatron!

And that's all she wrote, folks...

2009-07-08T08:27:00.001-05:00

Just watched Nigeria kick the crap out of France in our first annual ping-pong tournament. Watching, I realized I'm not even on the same planet with these guys. It was hard to even follow the ball at times. It was an awesome game and fun to have most of the crew together to watch it happen. Back to work...

More of a Pirate's miscellany

2009-07-07T05:32:00.001-05:00

Woke up tired today. Exhaustion from the 12-18 every day is starting to set in. Drinking coffee, non-stop, from wake up till I hit the rack. That's usually a good sign that it's time to get off the ship-anything over, say, 30 cups/day. Five hours in and I'm on cup 9...

Found Buzz Aldrin on Twitter today. Didn't know he did a rap video with Snoop?? Also, decided to follow Obama for a while, sort of a morbid curiosity thing, you know? Also Noted Danny Evans (The Almighty Dad Gone Mad) decided to follow me, yesterday. If you Tweet, go check out my followers, followees. Maybe you'll find somebody new and worthwhile...

Food quality has been going way up and WAY down, lately. I've been eating mostly salads, anyway. Freaking fresh veggies on the ship, here in West Africa, are like crack!

Ripped open the side of my foot trying to get out of my bathroom in rough seas. Cannot find what actually sliced my foot open (down the entire side, from little toe to heal!). On top of something unknown, lurking in the shadows, waiting to rip open my other foot, the wound looks to be infected. Red lines running up your leg are a bad thing, no?

Was informed that one of our small boats on another ship had an accident and capsized, with the guys bailing out into the sea. Hate to hear things like this, but at least they all survived and we can learn a few lessons from it. It's a vivid reminder that what we do out here can seem like a just the daily grind, but is, in reality, extremely dangerous. The dangers of fire, explosion, crushing, dismemberment, drowning, sharks, etc., are all around us out here, yet you sometimes tend to loose the sense of immediacy when dealing with them on a day-to-day basis. Reminders are a good thing.

Still waiting to find out where I'm going next. I'm really hoping for Peru, or Madagascar and NOT waiting around for more Angola, late in the year, though that will most likely happen no matter where I go in the interim.

Whatever the case, I'm outta here in 5 more days and outta Angola in 6...God willing the creek don't rise.

Peace

Seismic Week

2009-07-06T10:47:00.000-05:00

It's Seismic Week, at least on Discovery Channel's website. The purpose is to recognize all things seismic, including me (of course) and the annual meeting of the Seismological Society of America. Go check it out, you'll be amazed at what is down there, trust me.

Mohan alert!

2009-07-06T09:20:00.000-05:00

"Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khomeini warned Western countries on Monday against interfering in Iranian affairs after its disputed presidential election, state television reported."

Guy just doesn't fucking get it, does he? I think somebody needs to tell him we don't need to meddle-his own fucking people are rioting...as LP would say -

"Mohan"

Movie of the week

2009-07-06T04:36:00.001-05:00

Minutes after I rolled out of the rack this morning, I got the call to go out filming. Had to turn up with my first mug of coffee and drink it on the way back to the gear. It was a glorious morning, sun just up and shining brightly. The seas were calm, with a gentle, long-period swell and no chop. Copped a smoke, drank coffee on the leisurely ride back to the gear, where we filmed, underwater, for about an hour. I played the part of producer and tried my best to keep the director in line, but he spent the better part of an hour giving the cameraman and key grip a ton of shit. Freaking directors. Still, all in all it was a great trip, an escape from the ship and work and everything. Good times.

FOOD

2009-07-05T12:04:00.000-05:00

Fresh fruits and veggies from the supply ship! Huge salad, carrots, broccoli and cukes. Heaven. Also had some sort of pastry with a mango yogurt topping. Very yummy. I love supply ships:)

A Pirate's Miscellany

2009-07-05T09:03:00.001-05:00

I think I forgot to mention I saw a bunch of whales the other day; mother and calf and a few stray bulls shadowing us. Sperm whales from their distinctive, one-blow hole, 45 degree blow.

Today, a pack of dolphins were hunting off our port bow. From the look of the panicked little dudes, the tuna were the object of the hunt. They were all trying to make like flying fish, with little, or no success.

The weather here is really hot today. Like Africa hot, oddly enough.

My crew-x "limo" is alongside right now. I was just out doing laps on the heli-deck and boy oh boy, did it look inviting. Wish today was next Sunday and I was getting on that fucker and heading for the beach.

Watched the first half of LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring last night. The file came from someone on the crew from outside the US and again, there were a ton of scenes new to me. This time, it did tend to add to the story a bit (possibly unlike the difference between The Professional and Leon).

Still reading A Short History of Nearly Everything. What a delightful book! He pops in and out of each science as needed to tell the tale of everything, and we've just dropped back in to visit Geology and the fact that Yellowstone is one, giant caldera, ready to obliterate humans from the face of North America. Very cool.

That's all the Sunday News from West Africa that's fit to print. Peter Frampton has just replaced Gloria Gaynor on my laptop and the young Indonesian working next me is seriously considering taking a fire axe to the side of my head over the strange music I play 18 hrs/day. Ya'll have a great day. Be cool and stay in school.

"You have the right to remain glazed..."

2009-07-05T06:29:00.000-05:00

Concerned cops help keep the donuts flowing.

HAPPY 4th!

2009-07-04T06:54:00.001-05:00

Happy 4th of July everyone! I hope you are all BBQ'ing, drinking too much and blowing each other up with highly explosive fireworks. Well, that's what I would be doing if I wasn't floating some 250 miles off the coast of Angola, right now...

My celebration consisted of the following:
1. Improvised tea party, where I waved a little, home-made American flag and dumped 3 Tetley tea bags overboard.
2. Teasing the Brits onboard, mercilessly.
3. Read both the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution, online. (Forgot to bring my pocket book versions!)

I sincerely hope you all have a great 4th of July and a wonderful weekend.

Stromtroopers coming, you better beware...

2009-07-04T05:29:00.004-05:00

So. The big thing onboard this morning has been the Myers-Briggs personality test. My corporation uses it in one of our management courses and we just downloaded it. Somebody made a huge banner of the 16 personality-type matrix. Now we are all taking the test and putting our names in the appropriate personality square. It's been interesting to see where we all fall and more so to read the individual personality inventory/assessments. I find a mixture of truth and fiction in mine, though some seem to have been nailed to the wall by the test. The results of my test? It says I'm an ISTJ-type guy. Some notable ISTJ's include 8 US presidents; Washington, Harrison, G. Bush Sr., and Andrew Johnson. Others; investor Warren Buffet, former Detroit Tigers manager Sparky Anderson and my personal favorite Darth Freaking Vadar. "I am your father, Luke." Also; Torquemada(one of the leaders of the Spanish Inquisition), and Yuri Andropov.

The full description of my personality varies from the results of my actual test:

Serious, quiet, earn success by concentration and thoroughness. Practical, orderly, matter-of-fact, logical, realistic, and dependable. See to it that everything is well-organized. Take responsibility. Make up your own mind as to what should be accomplished and work toward it steadily, regardless of protests or distractions. You relate more easily to the inner world of ideas than to the outer world of people and things. You like quiet for concentration, tend to be careful with details, dislike sweeping statements, have trouble remembering names and faces, dislike telephone intrusions and interruptions, work contentedly alone, have some problems communicating. You would rather work with known facts than look for new possibilities and relationships. You dislike new problems unless there are standard ways to solve them, like an established way of doing things, enjoy using skills already learned more than learning new ones, seldom make errors of fact, tend to be good at precise work, are patient with routine details. You base your judgments more on impersonal analysis and logic than on personal values. You do not show emotion readily and are often uncomfortable dealing with people's feelings, may hurt people's feelings without knowing it, like analysis and putting things into logical order, tend to decide impersonally sometimes paying insufficient attention to people's wishes, are able to reprimand people or fire them when necessary. You like a planned, decided orderly way of life better than a flexible, spontaneous way. You work best when you can plan your work and follow the plan, like to get things settled and finished, may decide things too quickly, may dislike to interrupt the project you are on for a more urgent one. * * * Some Vocational Implications Of Your Personality Preferences * * * You focus your attention on facts and handle them with impersonal analysis, thus you tend to become practical and matter-of-fact and find scope for your abilities in technical skills with facts and objects. For example: Applied science, business, production, construction

I see a lot of truth in here. I dislike interruptions, I am fascinated by ideas and learning and I think I may tend to hurt people's feelings without knowing it. My work is an applied science, doing production of a sort and I also worked in construction for 15 years.

To the online description I found on a Meyers-Briggs website:
The Thought Police

ISTJs are characterized by loyalty, duty, and civic responsibility. As an ISTJ, you have a natural understanding of the value of civil harmony and order, and a deep-seated dislike of non-conformity, anarchy, and chaos.

For an ISTJ, work is very important to a sense of self-satisfaction. Happiness comes most easily for you when you have a job that allows you to express your ethic. Whether it's blasting traitorous rebel scum as a proud Imperial Stormtrooper or monitoring the population's cerebral implants searching for evidence of unauthorized thought patterns as one of the Thought Police, you're most satisfied when you are crushing the population beneath the iron boot heel of oppression on behalf of your masters.

RECREATION; ISTJs approach leisure with the same dedication they bring to spreading tyrrany and oppression. Common ISTJ pasttimes include cleaning their rifles, improving their marksmanship, betting on political dissidents in the Gladiator Arena, and macrame.

COMPATIBILITY: ISTJs are capable of stong emotional connections, bonding closely with the other ISTJs in their unit, platoon, or sector.

All I have to say about this characterization is that while I do thoroughly enjoy cleaning my rifle and improving my marksmanship, I do not engage in macrame.

Well, now you know more than you ever wanted, or needed to know about me. If you're curious where you test out, try the following link: Meyers-Briggs.

All things A-Twitter

2009-07-03T04:20:00.001-05:00

Ripped from one of Adam Savage's Tweets. The top-10 ironic ads from history. Irony abounds.

On that note, I'm now following the narrator and a MythBusters writer, but I'm not yet sure why...I also, somehow dropped Grant Imahara for a while, but just rectified the problem. My daughter and I loves us some MythBusters!

Although I cannot fathom why, if you'd like to follow me on Twitter....I'm here.

End of days

2009-07-03T03:44:00.000-05:00

Things are heating up. Crew-x is less than 10 days away. End of trip paperwork is piling up, people freaking out over crew-x logistics, canceled flights, etc. Good times. There's also a few minor annoyances such as water condensate dripping from the A/C units, everywhere. Buckets in doorways, on couches and whatnot.

***

To top it off, the smell of our diesel fuel is permeating the ship. We're draining and venting one of the big fuel tanks and there is simply no way to avoid the smell. Personally, I'm happy with it. I happen to love the smell of gasoline and diesel. Yeah, I know it's weird, but when I wake up and smell that fuel, it's like manna from heaven.

****

We've got satellite TV onboard. I don't watch it, except when I pop in to the proper smoking lounge for a quick smokey treat (usually, I head out on the back deck). Last night I popped in there and actually flipped through the channels. We get one news channel. Al Jazeera. One movie channel. Sky? I think. One sports channel that shows cricket and football (that shit they play in Europe, not Oklahoma). And finally, the UK version of Discovery. Rather slim pickings for the boys.

*****

I'm glad I'm a reader and not a TV watcher.
Note: Reading A short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. It is wonderful; packed with science, history, betrayal, murder and a guy who thought he could turn his pee into gold and did, in fact, just that (sort of). Bill takes his readers on an extraordinary journey to discover and understand everything around us and in my opinion, succedes with style, grace and healthy dollup of irony. I would consider it a must-read for everyone, but especially Blondie, LL and Mr. Budd. (Dear Mr. Budd, I would bring it home for you but I took it in the sauna too many times and it fell apart.)

******

However, I do occasionally watch a movie on my laptop and I just watched the European version of The "Professional", called "LEON". Their version is like 30 minutes longer. In this one, Mathilda is shown accompanying Leon to meet Big Tony, and on several hits, learning how to kill (double-tap to the chest, not the face) as well as them falling in love. Not sure the extra time actually adds to the film, but it's still damn good.

*******

That's about it from here.........oh! Yesterday I saw a bunch of whales. Mother and calf, plus a few stray bulls. They looked quite happy and content (for whales)

Ya'll be cool

Spanked

2009-07-02T08:31:00.001-05:00

I'm sure the title of the post will draw some new readers. Sorry to disappoint, but I was simply spanked by the third engineer in PING-PONG. Bastardo beat me in two games straight, like 21-3 and 21-5. The quarterfinals are a whole new level that I just don't exist on. My bad back did not help, either.
****
Nothing much else happening, here. Had meetings all morning, then paperwork from the meetings. Just biding my time till crew-x, which is now in jeopardy (of course) due to some mechanical/ops issues. Shee-it, it wouldn't be crew-x if it wasn't in danger of being canceled, or delayed. Even if I do make it, I'm flying into Atlanta and it has a bad record of canceled flights/unable to land bullshit, for me. Would rather be coming into Newark, JFK, Dulles, Miami, Houston, or (please, someday!) direct to Minnie. Seems the weather is always against me in Atlanta. C'est La Vie...

ouch

2009-06-30T13:02:00.001-05:00

Spanked 0-2 in the first match of the ping-pong quarterfinals. The old man is feeling............old.

Escape II

2009-06-30T05:13:00.000-05:00

Was able to escape again, today. Back out in the work boat for more underwater filming. This time we filmed quite a bit, ass the water clarity was much better due to being much farther South of the Congo mouth. Didn't see any mermaids, but the weather was right fucking beautiful as my limey buddies would say.

Die another little death

2009-06-30T01:38:00.001-05:00

Reading the local paper, online, I see a headline that says a student at my son's university died in a car accident. Passengers were hospitalized. My heart stopped as I thought about how I haven't been able to get a response from my son via email, or his cell phone for the past few days. It took me twenty minutes to choke down my fear and open the article to get the details. Picked up and replaced the phone, a half-dozen times during those long minutes.

It is never easy being a parent. Never.

Comments

2009-06-29T12:52:00.000-05:00

Caught this link from a Facebook comment, of all places. Steph has funny friends! Go check out the comments for the wolf shirt in the link. Some of them are priceless.

*NSFW* Naughty words, kids.

Great Day

2009-06-29T09:06:00.000-05:00

Went out in the work boat this afternoon. It was a bit rough, but we managed to do a little filming with the underwater camera. It was just good to get off the ship and get some fresh air and sun. Ended up a little seasick from looking down into the water and the camera monitor while bouncing around, but even puking beats flying a desk, any day. Hope ya'll have a great day.

Tomorrow is Middle Pirate's birthday, wish I was home for it.

Next up...one of LP's favorite movies

2009-06-26T08:40:00.001-05:00

It may be a bit premature, as nothing is signed, sealed and delivered, but it looks like I'll be working in Madagascar next job:) It's been a long seven months here off the coast of Angola and well, Madagascar sounds like the perfect place to go and forget all this West African nastiness. For those of you that don't know, a short history on the place:

160 million years ago - Madagascar is born as it separates from the African mainland
80 million years ago - Madagascar breaks away from India
Around 2000 years ago - Madagascar settled by Indonesians or people of mixed Indonesian/African descent
December 1894 - France invades Madagascar and takes the capital Tana on October 1, 1895. France loses only 20 men in battle during the campaign but more than 6,000 to disease
2005 The Pirate watches the movie and learns that lemurs come from Madagascar.
June 26th, The Pirate learns he might work in Madagascar and looks up the capital city in the giant Atlas to find it's called Antananarivo, The city of one-thousand warriors and yells "Fuck me! That's cool!"

Antananarivo, The city of one-thousand warriors takes its name from an episode in Malagasy history. When King Andrianjaka, who had called his people the Merina (That can be translated into highlanders) occupied the twelve sacred hills (Ambohitratrimo, Ambohimanga, Ilafy, Alasora, Antsahadita, Ambohimanambony, Antananarivo, Ambohitrabiby, Namehana, Ambohidrapeto, Ambohijafy, Ambohimandranjaka) upon which Analamanga (where the forest is blue) was built, he had his royal palace and stronghold erected. One thousand warriors were quartered there and he called this city Antananarivo. In those days, the Merinas were divided into three castes : Andriana (nobility), Hova (plebeians), and Andevo (labourers). Nowadays, Antananarivo's population exceeds one million inhabitants and its urban area has considerably grown. Surrounded by vast plains used for rice cultivation, Antananarivo has a Mediterranean climate due to its geographic position (1,400m above sea level).

*All this Malagasy goodness comes from a plethora of sources across the wide-open plains of the wild and wonderful Internet.

I'm going to have to watch the movie tonight, I guess.

Not your Facebook

2009-06-25T08:02:00.001-05:00

Having a conversation about Facebook and other social networking sites today. I noted that Facebook has a "friends" section, or list and wondering why they also don't have an "ex-friends" list, or "enemies". You know, Cameron Pillowbiter has sent you an "Enemies" request, or Jason Jackass an "Eat Shit and Die" request. Instead of sending your enemy a drink, you could send them a little, steaming pile of shit. A "hate this" option under every post, that sort of thing.

Perhaps I should just start my own anti-social networking site like Fuckyoubook, or Hatester...

Given the recent indiscretions of a certain politician who was oh so quick to crucify a certain past president for the same sort behavior, I could even start a special site just for politicians called HypocriteSpace, where they can dump on each other for taking bribes, screwing prostitutes, doing drugs, and whatnot until they get caught doing the same thing. I bet you'd even get those bogus members, you know? Prostitutes and lobbyists posing as fellow politicians, trying to get you to add them as friend, just so you'll visit their website and negotiate for a blow job, or a favorable vote on gun control. You could allow them to form and join groups, just like Facebook; Vote Yourself a Larger Salary, Sell a Seat in Congress, What's Wrong With Breaking Campaign Promises?, High Priced Call Girl Lists For the State and Federal Elected, Proud To Be Corrupt, Great places to Get Away and Cheat on the Wife (The Argentina group won't be very popular) and Who Needs Morals? We were Elected. The possibilities are endless!

I think I'm on to something here...

To journey home

2009-06-24T02:25:00.001-05:00

Flights for crew-x are out. Bastards booked me 24 hours later than the rest of the crew and have me going through Charles Fucking De Gaul! Worst airport in the world:(

Meat, it's whats for dinner

2009-06-23T12:42:00.000-05:00

Wil Wheaton tweetpic:

MEAT LOVERS

Tuna and my bloated head

2009-06-22T11:11:00.001-05:00

I know a guy named Tuna, not that it's relevant to anything, other than I am surrounded by tuna.

I watched the tuna schooling around the ship again, today. They are a brilliant, electric silver-blue that looks fantastic in contrast to the deep blue of the ocean. There are literally tens of thousands schooled up around the ship, endlessly cruising in a circle around the hull.

I've had this theory about my ability to sleep onboard and what affects it. One of the issues is incline. NASA uses incline to study the effects of weightlessness. I've checked the meters that track the pitch, roll and heave of the ship. I'm sleeping head down at an average of 2-4 degrees. A hard look at the drink dispenser in the mess confirms this-it has a clear, plastic reservoir that illustrates the pitch, roll and heave nicely, when filled with a colorful juice or whatnot. Hard science, people. The juice never lies.

Anyway, I think I need to switch my sleeping direction head to foot and alleviate the blood pooling in my head 4-5 hours/night. That cannot be good, can it?

A dab of politics, pinch of history and a dash of religion

2009-06-22T09:28:00.001-05:00

Got this from a Senator John McCain Tweet: Obama's Persian Tutorial
It's a damn good read, no matter your opinions on the subject matter.

From here to there

2009-06-22T08:04:00.001-05:00

I love this view. Want to be here...

View Larger Map

instead of here.

View Larger Map

Interesting to note from the undersea formation trending from/to the mouth of the Congo, it seems the origin of the river might be tectonic in nature, somehow.

Old man wakes up feeling like death from simply playing 4 games of table tennis

2009-06-22T01:48:00.001-05:00

The old man is being very quiet about his wins last night and hoping that he can think of an excuse to not play any tourney matches today.

I feel so bad I'm putting creamer in my coffee for the first time in 35 years. No, I don't count Baileys as creamer, thank you very much.

Old man takes four in a row! Kids are stunned...

2009-06-21T14:33:00.001-05:00

Pummeled victim number two after a quick smoke. These kids are no match for the fat, old smoker. Took the punk in straight sets 21-9, 21-6.

The Pirate is up 2-0...

2009-06-21T12:44:00.001-05:00

Time to retire to the sauna. Smoked my first opponent in the table tennis tourney in straight sets of 21-10, 21-18. Rubber match my ass. He was a 24 yr old Chinese kid who held the paddle like backwards, or upside down? Everybody said the professionals do that, so I tried the same thing. It worked *shrugs*

OK, I AM sweating like a pig and wheezing like a steam locomotive, though. This ping pong is NOT for old people...and only five more opponents to go.

where I'm at today

2009-06-21T09:38:00.000-05:00

My thoughts tend toward my children, today. Wish I could see them.

Happy fathers day to dads everywhere, especially those serving away from home and their children.