Thursday, May 31, 2007

Amongst the living

OK, I'm alive and well, or almost well. I've spent what seems an eternity on the couch, sick as a fucking dog. Sicker than I think I have ever been in my life. However, I am getting better.

Today, I went out. I went on a picnic with my youngest daughter's class at a park for a few hours. Just standing around wiped me out and I had to take a short nap afterward, but I actually went out somewhere other than the hospital. After a short nappy, we even went back out-this time for dinner at my favorite Chinese place. My little one loves it there for an appetizer called "The Poo-Poo Platter". Yeah, me and her love the potty jokes, cooking shitty, cherry beef over a sterno grill and the crab rangoons. I dig seasame chicken, too.

I lasted about 10 minutes after getting home and had to lie down for a while. No freaking oomph left in this guy. I'm also still deaf in one ear and can't hear out of the other, but this will pass, says the doc. So yeah, I'm getting better-just in time to head back to sea...

Saturday, May 19, 2007

What? WHAT?

Update: I believe this is the sickest I've ever been. I've seen a lot of blood in the past few days, coming out of nose, my ears and finally my mouth when I vomited up a bunch last night. Not sure what that was about, but I've got other worries, right now. Last night I began loosing my mind. I still have not actually slept since waking Friday morning. I nod off, but then my brain reacts like a caged animal and after 2-3 minutes of disturbing dreams/images, I wake up. PW says its the drugs I'm taking-they do the same thing to her. I guess I feel a little better today, but last night was a very dark and scary place. PW sat up with me all night, had to call the hospital at one point and I watched her sleep this morning. She takes very good care of me.

Have I ever mentioned that I almost never get sick? I've never had a personal physician and am so rarely sick I barely remember ever getting sick. Well. So far, 2007 seems to be the year I will remain sick, all year.

My sinus infection? By the time I landed last night at 11:45, I was near delerious with pain. A hot shower at home really didn't help like I thought it would. By 4am, I had driven myself to the Emergency room. By this morning's tally:
Acute sinus infection
Double ear infection
perforated eardrum (was that a motherfucker, waiting for it to "pop")
major deafness in both ears

I have yet to sleep in about 30 hours and I can't remember what life without pain was like.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Housecleaning and headclearing

Lots to do tonight and tomorrow before flying home for a much-needed break. Time to confirm my flight and limo reservations that will get me out of here, pack my shit and study the last of the nasty stuff they have been tryin to cram into my stuffy head.

Speaking of which, have you ever used a saline sinus rinse? Stuck a fucking can up your nose, pushed the button and hosed out your head? I just did. It's not pleasant. Still, nearly anything is better than getting on a series of airplanes with a sinus infection and bubbling ears. If I wasn't heading home for just the last few days of break, I would not be flying tomorrow. No way. much pain awaits me, this I know. Hence, the four different drugs and a bottle of "hose your nose".

If you look to the right (Your right, my left. I AM here, staring back at you), you will see a new image under "OTHER PORTS IN A STORM". The good folks over at Faster Than The World have made us writers a new playground!!

All of us will post at will, on whatever suits us. I like those kinds of restrictions, but haven't posted, yet. Too damn busy and sick. Never fear, I will be using it, though. We FTTW writers seem to feed off each other and often create a wonderful dynamic in some of our all-day email threads and it is our hope that it will also happen with this blog. Go see-I'm going back to bed.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Jack is a mushroom visionary

The other night, hearing mr bud, PW and our assorted youngsters were getting together for Chinese food (one of my favs), I smacked my yogurt around in anger then started walking. I should mention that I’m staying in a hotel (sans auto) that has NOTHING around it-no stores, bars, restaurants, or even a gas station; for reasons known only to my boss and the devil. I walked two freaking miles to an area that I thought might contain a few shreds of humanity and some semblance of civilization. It did, in the form of a gas station, closed deli, cell phone store, nail shop, real estate office, Japanese fast food (??) and Jack In The Box restaurants.

The Japanese place was closed. I went into every other place, just for something to do. I let the cell phone store jockey sell me a wireless package and four Blackberries, pulling out at the last minute like a seasoned porn star, just for the thrill. They were bewildered; I was satiated and had a smoke.

As I mentioned, the deli was closed, as was the Japanese fast food joint, so I only peaked in the windows. I can only imagine what a Japanese fast food joint is like and my life really won’t be complete until I’ve experienced one, of that I am sure.

Anyway, I ate at the Jack In The Box. Yep. I didn’t even know they were still in business. In fact, I’ve only been in a Jack once before, 27 years ago this month. How I know this so accurately must remain a mystery, for now. Sorry. The Jack was very interesting. Upon entering, two things immediately struck me; first, Angel Negro live, from Viva Santana! was playing, LOUDLY and second, the walls were adorned with about 20 composite images that had to have been created by someone tripping on mushrooms. Seriously. If you’ve never dropped acid, mescaline, or waved your head around like Stevie Wonder singing, after eating mushrooms, you wouldn’t get it, but I did. Jack is the product of multiple acid trips; dark rooms, black lights and a water bong filled with crushed ice. I was immediately flashed back to 1976; a dark basement filled with Thai-stick smoke and vibrating to Black Sabbath’s Sweat Leaf, where I learned I could see the blood pumping though my hand just by concentrating for an hour…

Shuffling to the counter, I encountered Latrelle, the manager. “Gimme some skin, my man!” After a solid five-by-five, he hands me a cup and says, “Yo. You sweatin like the pope in a strip joint, bra-get some H2O over there, then we’ll get down to the meal.” I obeyed, totally confused.

I shuffle back, looking for hidden cameras.

“From the top, my man. What’choo wanna put down the neck?” I mumble the first thing I see when I look up to the menu, the ultimate cheeseburger. He suggests I get a small soda and fill it up as much as I want and I nod. Then, he cocks his head as if thinking and tells me he thinks I look like the kind of guy who wants to get down with a six-piece mozzarella sticks, instead of nasty old fries. I ask how much and he says “On the house, bra.” OK. I ask how he knew that and he says, “Its in the eyes, bra and I know you want the ranch, my man.” I nod; shove a ten-spot across the counter, looking at my feet. This place and Latrelle are kind of blowing my mind.

I split for the bathroom to wash up while I’m waiting for the food.

When I emerge, my tray is gone and Latrelle is smiling. “I put’choo in a booth by the window so’s you can look around, cause your solo, bro. You know?”

“Uh, cool.”

The food was good. I really hate fast food, but with three kids, I’ve had my share and this shit was pretty good. Bawitdaba (Kid rock) is blasting. I look up at Latrelle and he shoots me with his finger. I slap my forehead and he dismisses me with a sweeping, sideways peace sign. Surreal.

After I while, I hear Latrelle telling a customer stories about band camp; getting his flute played by a band camp groupie?? and stuffing someone’s trombone with cream cheese.

Before I finished, another employee stops by with another handful of cheese sticks. I look up at Latrelle and he waves me back to my extras with another peace sign slider. WTF?

Madonna comes on the speakers and I hazard one more glance the man. He shakes his head and disappears into the back. Madonna is silenced. I finish up, dump my trash and walk out to Lord of the Thighs, by Steven and the boys. The jacked up image on the wall next to the door causes the hair to stand up on the back of my neck. Fucking psycho shit, I am telling you.

At the gas station, I purchased a pack of Marlboros and bottle of cough syrup. The cashier looked at me funny when I shoved the bottle in front of her and demanded smokes. I was like “What? I use the cough syrup as a personal lubricant.” She didn’t say a single word after that and refused to make eye contact.

The walk back to my hotel was hot, like an oven and the sound of the birds in the trees was exactly like the sounds heard during a Texas hunt part of a PC hunting video game I played 15 years ago. I practiced re-arranging the Dix Equation for converting Root-mean Square to interval velocity in my head, because I forgot my mp3 player. Halfway back to the hotel I found a 5/16” stainless-steel nut on the sidewalk and put it in my pocket.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Words Cannot Describe...

Happy Mothers Day PW! I miss you:(

I will be thanking you very much for not putting vegetables in my digestive tract

So, I know I’m still slacking on the blog. I even submitted an old post from the cove to FTTW for Tuesday’s column. This course has me up to my neck in the one thing on god’s green earth that I just cannot figure out-MATH-O-MATICS. It doesn’t help that I also HATE anything that is so cut-and-dried. You know, only right or wrong. I need a little wiggle room once in a while and math just doesn’t allow it, so it sucks in my book. (Sorry Wendy) The opposite of that is ironic in the extreme. How I apply all this math to effect the results I am looking for, is so totally an art form as to be also beyond my reach. I am not an artist, and lack the creativity, or perhaps the “feel” of things to be able to paint a work of art with the rigid brush that is math. I fall in the middle and flail around a lot at both ends of the spectrum. OK, unless you’re a geophysicist, that probably makes no sense to you, so suffice to say I kind of suck at what I’m trying to learn. That is not to say I suck at my job, just all the theory and mumbo-jumbo behind it. I make up for the lack of brain cells by working my ass off, most of the time.

In another area that I’m not doing so hot in; I’ve been trying to shed a few pounds. My latest gig at sea has me sitting at a computer for 12hrs/day, exclusively. No hauling gear around, working in the small boats and the kind of things that require a person to stand up; other than to eat, or replace the I.V. bag of coffee that keeps me alive for five weeks at a time. This has caused a sort of love-hate relationship with things like the small package of Dolly Donut Gems (430 calories) to my immediate left; sitting here taunting me. It has also caused me to wonder how vegetarians survive in the long term as well as deal with the day-to-day issues.

During the past week, I have managed to survive on; yogurt, spinach salad, raw vegetables, popcorn, fruit and water. It has not been pleasant, in every aspect. For instance; when a vegan travels, do they just starve, hoping to make it home? You can’t find much in the way of veggies at fast-food joints and chain restaurants. Worse, um, this whole veggie thing is having some disturbing effects on my, um, digestive tract. Vegetariots can’t walk around like this day in and day out. No freaking way.

The last 2 nights I have broken down and feasted on a bit of meat and other goodies. Friday night, after a particularly rough day of lecture and testing, I went out with a fellow inmate from India, for dinner and a beer. We devoured mostly veggies, beans and rice as he just happened to be a life-long vegecrat, but I snuck in a small amount of animal flesh-just enough to sooth my aching soul. Not enough to sooth my aching digestive track, however.

On a side note, we had a great, if difficult to follow, conversation on culture and society and the differences/similarities of our two nations. You ever play that sort of gambling/drinking game that involves stretching a napkin over a glass, putting a quarter in the middle and burning holes the napkin with the tip of a cigarette? No? Well I did and they do in India, too, "Let me tell you, you would not be believing it, my friend..."

Anyway, that, laundry and Jack in the Box have been the sum total of my existence outside of hardcore geophysics, lately and Jack is a post all by himself, the freaky bastard.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

New spam filter-please try!

Mr. Peterlick,

As I informed the good Barrister Richard Wilson from Dakar, Senegal, you need a better hook. What is it with you guys? Look, I've got exactly $13.00USD in the bank account you're going to want the routing number for. Am I still your number one choice for a "trustworthy" business partner? Whatever, lets cut to the chase-

Send me money in the form of a certified check, or photos of hot, naked chicks or leave me the fuck alone, dude.

The bored, but busy Pirate

ps. Thanks for giving me a quick post when I'm too damn busy to write. I think my readers get a kick out of you morons. In addition, I'm posting your email addresses here ( and so my readers have somewhere to forward their spam to. Suck on that.

pps. Try this on Travis, but offer him socks and he might just go for me, he likes socks.

--- "Mr.Haris Peterson" wrote:

> From:Mr.Haris Peterson
> Smith & Williamson
> Private Banking Services
> Riding House
> Extension,
> London, Uk
> Dear Friend,
> I am Mr.Haris Peterson, the accounting officer-in charge of the Private
> investment section of the above named Finance house. I have decided to
> contact you on a business Transfer that requires confidentiality, Trust and
> transparency,where both of us have a lot to Benefit, during my investigation
> and auditing in the Accounts section, my department came across a huge sum
> of money Belonging to a deceased person, a foreigner who died On January 7,
> 2005 in a auto crash.
> This Fund has been dormant in his account in the private investment dept
> Without any claim to this fund in our custody, either From his family or
> relation.
> The said amount is (7.5 million pounds)which is about ($15 million US
> Dollars) As it might interest you to know, I got your contact Through
> international business enquiry and my search for a trust worthy business
> Partner that can handle a business of this magnitude Meanwhile all
> arrangement to put claim to this fund in Your name as the bonafide next of
> kin to the deceased,And get the required approval to transfer this money To
> a foreign account, have been put in place.
> While The next line of action to conclude this transaction In the next 10
> working days, Will be relayed to you as Soon as you indicate your interest
> in this Transaction.I must also inform you that upon the completion of this
> Transaction, you will be entitled to 40% of the total Sum as gratification,
> for your role and assistance, While the balance will be for me as the owner
> of the funds. Please, you have been advised to keep this to your self Since
> I am still in service and intend to Retire after I conclude this project.
> I will be monitoring the whole situation here Until you confirm the money in
> your account. Then, immediately, I shall come down to the country of Your
> nominated account for subsequent sharing of the Funds according to
> percentages previously indicated and Further investment.
> Yours faithfully,
> Mr.Haris Peterson

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

No, school really sucks

Where's my Internet? PW has told me, repeatedly, or many times, or all the time, that I spend too much time on the Internet. I've always had pretty much the same, standard responses. You know, I read a lot, I enjoy it, I'm not just on the Internet; I read ebooks, listen to music, write posts like this that are sure to snag me a book deal, etc, etc-ad nausea. All the while just spouting something, anything to help convince myself that I wasn't just spending a lot of time on the Internet.

Well, It doesn't help that my job allows me to nestle my laptop conveniently next to my right elbow for the 12-14 hrs I sit at work and has also made me an 8th degree black belt in multi-tasking, which enables me to simultaneously work, blog, write for FTTW and read an insane number of blogs, sometimes commenting like some sort of social butterfly, which I'm not-just ask PW or my one, good friend-the only two adults I regularly communicate with outside of the dozen I work and live with at sea.

Which brings me today and how far I've fallen. I've only been at this course for physicists-who-are-not-astro for 2 measly days and I'm having withdrawals. Granted, crew-x, travel and only 3 days with the fam also put a cramp in my style, but even if has been a week of "Internet Interruptus", I am feeling seriously deprived. I find Blondie writing multiple, long posts while I'm away,Travis has created the funniest fucking cartoons I've ever laid eyes on (I was serious, Dude), the Queen's putting jokes out there that just beg me to write punchlines for and I've missed nearly a week of FTTW and I read those guys like an addict sucking on an empty crack pipe, burning resins after a 30 hour jag, and I don't even have time to read the comments, let alone comment, myself! This blows, people.

So how bad is it? I had to give up eating an evening meal to write this shit. Given the amount of time this course is going to take (looks like around 18-20 hrs/day), I don't even know If I'll be able to write. Shit, I haven't even read some 50-odd emails from FTTW and I KNOW there's some important stuff in there since its our big 01 anniversary and we've got a lot going on. Oh yeah, keep an eye out over there-MANY things happening, or about to happen. I'm supposed to come up with a contest, but I can't get my head around it while bogged down in Kirchoff 2D pre-stack time migration and frequency-space velocity filters, characterized by least-squares optimization schemes that locally estimate coherent, broadside energy within azimuth bin gathers. Yeah. So, if I'm oddly quiet, now you know why.

Finally, just call her, mr bud-she was very pretty and seemed to be a very nice, intelligent woman and PW was starting to yell at ME on the phone, last night, dammit;)

/off to cram the entire planet in my head...

School Zone

I'm getting schooled. I fell asleep last night studying geophysics, optics and physics and now I'm off for 10 hours of lecture on the same SHIT (NOT THAT FUNKY BLOGGER PUBLISH ADDRESS CRAP THAT SHOWED UP AFTER I HIT PUBLISH AND VIEWED IT!)


Sooo, It's Tuesday. Go peek at FTTW. I'm there, as usual, but there are also some new faces, and as this month is the big 01 anniversery of FTTW, you'll find contests and the like popping up every day. I might even run one if I can find the time after getting schooled-who knows??

/off to see the wizard

Monday, May 7, 2007

The party's over

Yes, the party is over. After 3 short days I'm gone, again. This time its off for two weeks of course work, staying at a shitty hotel. Well, maybe not so shitty given my usual accomodations at sea, but fairly lousy as hotels go. I'm trying to get reservations at a Mariott, but thay have a problem with fitting me in for two solid weeks. I'm still hopeful, though. It would be nice to bring PW and the little one down for a visit.

Not sure how the blogging will go, as I will be held captive 10 hrs/day, 7 days/week, for the next two weeks! The bright spots are that Northworst got me here pretty much on time(30 mins late), didn't loose my luggage (YAY) and my limo was still waiting. Last time I flew in here, I was 1.5 hrs late, they lost my luggage and my limo driver left. It took nearly 2 hours to get him back.

Anyhoo, its 1 am, or 2 am by my biological clock and I have to be up in 5 hours:( Off to the rack with me.


Thursday, May 3, 2007


Yo Ho Ho. Crew-x was slightly beer-soaked and Northworst did their best to keep from getting home, but they underestimated me. I managed a really slick slight of hand trick in Memphis, getting me home only 3 hours late instead of not at all. I am pretty well wine-soaked and I've got good dinner in me. We had an informal B-day party for yours truely and it was good-laid back and relaxing:) Anyway, I'm dead tired and slightly drunk. Time to go snuggle with my little one.
Goodnite everyone.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

The final word

OK, I've decided what to do with Lucy. Enough people spoke up for leniency that I've decided to take it easy on the poor girl. I won't be CC'ing her bosses. I've also re-written the email slightly, to reflect some very valid points made by friends, family, blogging buddies and my fellow nutballs over at FTTW. I'm sure Lucy would be grateful to all of you. I'll let you know if she replies.

Finally, in deference to Lucy's company, I've pulled the email down. They'll obviously have enough troubles with Lucy still employed there. Thanks again, folks-time to boogie for the beach...

Damn they come around fast, don't they?

Moring all you crazy cats back on shore. Its Tuesday morning, I'm wearing nothing but earplugs and a grimace-the devil and his side-kick are directly over my cabin, hammering and grinding as if their lives depended on it.

You've got today to save poor little Lucy Groves. I don't see anyone saving her-what's the deal? I thought maybe, just maybe I was being just a tiny bit mean, but no-you guys really want to see her burn. If this keeps up, she will find herself burnt tomorrow, during her morning coffee.

So, you know the drill, go on over to FTTW and find me. While you're there, go check out Michele's boobs, or Baby Huey's pesto recipie-YUMMY! Um, the pesto, not the boobs, Honey. You might also peek at Cullen's guitars while there-he's talking wood and I loves me some wood. Go ahead, anyone can have that-I put it out there for free, take your best shot (Tilts chin up).