Monday, February 11, 2008

My balls hurt and of course it's 5am

I woke up at 5am this morning with a horrible ache in my left nut. Hmmm, before I began blogging, I don't think I could have ever imagined typing out such a statement for the whole world to read.

I woke up at 5am this morning with a horrible ache in my left nut.

Well there it is. I'm laying here on the couch, waiting for 8am so I can call the butcher, I mean doctor who slashed, I mean snipped my nuts to ask him why I would wake up a week later in mortal pain. Whatever the case, it can't be good and I'm not fucking amused at this turn of events.

PW was smart enough to immediately get me a couple of hydrocodone pills and the agony has quieted to dull ache-kinda like 3 minutes after a nasty kick in the balls. You know, the point when you can breathe again and you're sure you're not going to puke, but wonder if it would help and are still willing to do ANYTHING to make the pain go away. That's about where I'm at right now.

Gee, what else can I say about my balls to a bunch of people I don't know? Well, there's little or no swelling and no redness, so I kind of doubt it's an infection. It just fucking hurts.

OK, enough about my balls. I'm hobbling downstairs for a smoke.

I just realized that EVERY time I need the services of a doctor, dentist, auto mechanic, prostitute, or furnace repair technician, it's after hours on the weekend, middle of the fucking night, whatever. Why is this? Oh, and I just threw in the prostitute to see if you're paying attention.

9 comments:

Jay said...

Prostitutes are always available. They don't charge more for services after business hours. I mean, they do charge extra if you go over your alloted hour, but that's different.

I'm pretty sure I'm letting any doctor at my nuts. EVER.

Freddie said...

Ummm... Feel better, k?

LL said...

Dude, Mr. Bud said you've got major nut issues. Hope they're ok now!! I'll send up a little prayer for you.

dorothy said...

I AM sorry to hear about your nuts, but it's hard for someone who has pushed a seven-pound child out through her vajayjay -- which tore half of the functioning parts of the plumbing -- to feel too sorry for a man with a little snipped testicle.

Just sayin.

The Pirate said...

While I TOTALLY understand any lack of sympathy from the mothers (I've witnessed 4 births and witnessing is enough), my left, LITTLE snipped testicle is rapidly approaching grapefruit size and I'm getting bowlegged. I only hope I'm not on the road to loosing more than a quarter inch of my vas.

Un-snipped guys out there-I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS PROCEDURE. It feels like getting kicked in the cookies by Pele every 3-5 seconds.

Worst part is my doc doesn't know whats wrong...

Fyremandoug said...

Time to visit a urologist
yup go see a Dick Doc you dont wanna lose anything important

Mr. Bud said...

I think i'm gonna do sympathy drugs, only mine come in a can. I swear i still can't walk right after that hiccup episode.

hope the drugs are working..

Anonymous said...

hey Mr Pirate, my boyfriend has the same problem in his right nut. he went to the ER but they couldnt tell him what it is. have u found out what caused it?

The Pirate said...

The doc figured a combination of infection and general swelling from the surgery. It ended up growing to the size of TWO grapefruits, weighing about 5 pounds, before finally deflating back to normal. Had to get an ultrasound (to insure I still had circulation down there) and IV antibiotics before all was well. It has been a couple months and my left nut is still tender....