Friday, February 1, 2008

post operative vino therapy

The deed is done. I'm swollen, bowlegged and in a fair amount of pain. My wonderful PW has fed me chicken soup, asked to see the damage, bought me 3 bottles of wine and handed me a bag of frozen pees.

The vino and peas are my lifelines to consciousness and sanity. It really fucking hurts.

My next door neighbor got a chuckle, seeing me bent over on the porch, having a smoke in my bathrobe, despite single-digit temps. He says tomorrow will be worse-much worse.

The actual surgery was fine. The nurse who assisted brought in her own tunes. Much to my and the doc's surprise, it was a favorite of both of us-Alison Krauss, Now That I've Found You. Good stuff and great music to get your balls snipped by. The needle in the balls? Holy fuck. Yeah, that sums it up-HOLY FUCK!

Well, two Valiums, two codeines and a bottle of wine later and the pain recedes. A little. Mr. bud, you're going to have to wait on picture of the package unless you want to come over and help with the next 2 bottles of vino and take it yourself-too awkward for me to shot it and PW refuses to assist in posting "her" property on the Internets. Funny how she owns the package and I own the pain. Oh yeah, and LL? Fuck that pussy business-this really does hurt like a motherfucker!


Jay said...

I think I'm having sympathy pains right now.

Whichever presidential candidate vows to commit however much money it takes to develop a pain-free vasectomy or a male birth control pill gets my vote!

Mr. Bud said...

Top ten things you don't want to hear during a vasectomy:

10. damn. damn. damn. oh well. shit. now what.
9. nurse, could you hand me that drill?
8. huh. now where does that go?
7. well, lookie here, maybe we should biopsy that.
6. I did stay at a holiday in express last night.
5. NURSE! can you please not play with that!
4. could you please grab that off the floor so I can put it back in.
3. Do you mind that my initials are on the branding iron?
2. Did you say over easy or scrambled?
1. OK. Hold still. You may experience some discomfort.

Mr. Bud said...

oh, yes, excuse me people while i run up the hill to take a picture of a guys swollen package.


LL said...

Hon, I tore from my vagina to my ass.


The second time with NO anesthesia.

I am not crying for you.

But I do hope you feel better soon. ;)

Fyremandoug said...

damn I was out boating on the river the next day with cold beer one in my lap and one in my hand

come on cowboy up Lil buckaroo


love ya Bro

The Pirate said...

OK, that makes my poor nuts pale in comparison...or something like that. Anyway, codeine, valium and vino go a long way toward taking the edge off.

mr bud-quit makin jokes-he DID say I might feel a slight discomfort and it WASN'T slight. Takin a needle in the left nut is not slight.

Freddie said...

Again. Ow.

But, no more worries right (or, as some might say, withdrawals before deposits - or whatever. Ok, sorry. That was tmi)?

Feel better.

Heidi said...

Gosh, sign me up for that?

Oh wait, I'm a girl, so you'd have to go through a lot more tissue and it'd be a heck of a lot more invasive.

Anonymous said...

That settles it for me. NOT GONNA GO THERE!