Monday, June 2, 2008

Love hurts

Have I ever mentioned that living on a ship half of your life leads to the following:

I know exactly ever single item that I possess onboard and exactly where it its located.  Everything I own out here has it's own pre-planned location, in fact.
Every night I lay out my clothes over a chair, fireman-fashion, so that I can completely dress in 15 seconds, or less.  My clothes for the day and a small, stuffed animal (from LP) are the only outward signs that I occupy my cabin.  Everything else is stowed away and secure.

Life is so regimented and narrow onboard, I could, If I wanted, plan out every single minute of my free time for five weeks, in advance. Not very spontaneous, huh?

Because we rotate out for meals, I eat every meal in less than 10 minutes.

I have never met my boss.  Ever.  We have spoken twice on the phone and only once after I was hired.  I'm not even sure what he looks like.

My best friend has more pictures of my family than I do.  Many times more, in fact.

I get "land sickness".

Somebody makes my bed, cleans my room, sink, shower and toilet every single day, within 5 minutes of walking out of my cabin and I've never once in 10 years seen them do it.

I have to prop a pillow next to me to keep from falling out of bed, even when I'm home.

I shower one-handed, most of the time.  Especially when the seas are heavy.

I can leave a stack of 100-dollar bills lying anywhere on the ship for 5 weeks and they will not be touched, but I have to put my name on my coffee mug and water bottle and somebody always steals my black pens.  Fuckers.

I've heard "Hey, check out this weird rash" at least 10,000 times.  At least half the time, I forget and look.  At least half of the time I look, it's really nasty.  At least half of the time it's really nasty, I do a quick check of myself.  Yes, at least half of the time I do a quick check of myself, I find something.  I don't know why, but we get a lot of rashes out here.

I know nearly everything about the people I work with, from also living with them 24/7 on a ship.  So many of our details are public knowledge out here, too.  For instance, everyone's age, nationality, birthplace, home address and passport details are all posted in various common areas.  Even the number of minutes you spend on the phone each trip are posted.  It's actually kind of funny to see some guy go from 20 minutes one trip to 2738 minutes the next because he picked up a girlfriend last break.  Somebody wrote "love hurts" next to his total:)

In nearly 40 countries and probably 60 cities, I can tell you directions to and from the airport, the nearest hotel, at least 3 decent pubs and several, shall we say, seedier establishments.  I'd be fucked to name more than a few restaurants, though.

I guess that's about it.  Anyway, I gotta go find some cream for this nasty rash I've got on my butt...

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