Monday, September 10, 2007

Get your happy little ass-darts here:)

I'm not a forgiving guy when it comes to the masses. I rail on about a lot of things, especially those things that assault me from the television that somebody always inists be on during meals. The exponentially increasing amount of drug commercials are my latest targets. You know, the bladder control drug for males that includes the odd side effect of making one's nose run (true story), immediately followed by a commercial for an antihistimine to cure that runny nose; side effect-hyperactivity. Yep, follow that with a commercial for something to calm you down and now you can go back to the news on CNN, but take that pill to calm yourself down first, we're only three months off from an election year.

So, I really have no pity for those people that think they need a pill to cure every little ill that befalls them. I'm a kind of suck it up, eat right, exercise and don't sweat the small stuff, guy. Overweight? Make your calories in are less than your calories burned. Want to quit smoking? Grow a pair, eat some fucking celery and do the right thing.

Well, I may be a prick, but I'm not ashamed to admit when I'm wrong. Quitting smoking has been tougher than I thought and as I mentioned yesterday, I've resorted to the patch. The Patch. Twenty-one milligrams of bliss and wonder at why I ever started smoking in the first place (To cover up the smell of the other shit I smoked as a teenager). So, other than the tingly, itchy feeling, I am in love with the patch and seem to be inordantly cheery today. Today, I reccommend pills, patches, nasal sprays and anal suppositories for everyone! In fact, if you want to save yourself $76.99, line up and I'll deposit that suppository with a flourish and a smile:)


Queen of Dysfunction said...

I still think getting pregnant was the easiest way to quit. Maybe you should buy one of those fake-pregnant bellies and wear it. After getting your ass kicked by a few do-gooder-pregnant-woman-Nazis you're urge to smoke will decrease exponentially.

Macoosh said...

that photo makes me want to hurl. oh wait, i just did. damn it.

Heidi said...

I don't watch TV except for what's on the news at the gym in the mornings. I can tell you what commercials come on every day. Always included is at least one erectile dysfunction medication. At 4:30 am. That, male hair coloring, and a specific rental car company. So, if you can't get get it up (while on the beach in a bathtub) rent a car or dye your hair.

Mr. Bud said...

huh. it's non-returnable. damn.

i'm working on an improved model of the suppository inserter. based on the potato gun.