Sunday, September 16, 2007

[Insert witty title here when sober]

I know I've pissed and moaned many times about the lack of blogs to read on the weekend,but man, I hate the weekends. I feel like an abandoned child. I know a few of you hearty souls post right through the weekend and Jay usually does a Sunday post, bless him. Still, it gets lonely:(

Today I woke up and scrubbed my head (read bathroom, land-lubbers) with a brush only slightly larger than a toothbrush. I gave up and used a rag to do the bulkheads and deck, it was so small. I found an Esquire magazine my cabin mate must have left in there when he moved to another ship two weeks ago. Read it while sitting on the floor in my tiny head. Kind of strange, sitting on the floor of a dirty head reading an article on the art of being Faaaaaabulous. All kinds of useful advise like making sure your belt matches your fucking shoes. Guys DO this?? What else? Oh, buy an expensive umbrella because it makes you seem important-not to keep you dry. Well, I own some pretty decent rain gear and even then have resorted to garbage bags, but have no umbrella so I'm obviously anything but Faaaaaabulous. Sorry PW, I'm just not the male model/CEO guy with a $400 umbrella:(

Yesterday, our medic (MEDIC!! MEDIC!!), we always yell that when he walks into a room...he kindly put together a slide show, complete with a moving musical score, of the long, tough history of this little fleet-aptly title "Death of a Legend". Twenty-Five guys with a total of over 350 years combined experience sat in silence and watched their history and lives flash by on a bed sheet hung from the ceiling. Guys with names like Jimmy The Buckle, Tuna, Hemorrhoid and Mule Dick and not a dry eye in the house. I wish I could post it on here, but PowerPoint doesn't play well with Blogger and even runs with scissors. Anyone that curious can email me and I would be glad to email you a copy, if it zips down from 600MB..

I've found this trip that I love to listen to both classical piano and cello when I'm really whacked out on my muscle relaxers, like right now. Sonata #14; Moonlight by Beethoven is perfect for drooling on yourself.


Because we work 12-14 hours shifts non-stop for 5-6 weeks, sometimes, if there is absoutely no work going on-say due to a hurricane, some of the crew will sneak off for a cat nap. It's a very rare thing, but pretty much everyone out here has done it once or twice, except me. That is until tonight. I've been getting steadily more and more worn out. My neck has been twisted in knots for the past 3 days and today I took a double-dose of my muscle relaxers. This resulted in getting very sleepy, but still with a sore neck. After dinner I blanked out at my computer for quite a while, I think. I closed my eyes but kept working-typing, pushing buttons, moving the mouse around and clicking it a lot. I was dreaming about working the whole time. Finally, I opened my eyes and saw that I had caused all my jobs to crash, deleted some important stuff and made a mess of my windows-all with my eyes closed. I fixed the mess and snuck down to my cabin for a 20 min cat-nap. Woke 30 mins later only to find the crew had scoured the ship looking for me because PW called.

Made me feel so guilty I even told PW that I was "working" and that's why I didn't call her back right away. This is why I never break the rules, why I would never be a criminal. I get caught every time.


Queen of Dysfunction said...

O.M.G. (See? I can't spell out the actual words that go with it because even though I'll spew the word FUCK like a sailor I'm a good little Catholic and still wary of thunderbolts.)

Anyway. Yes, there are men who make sure their belt matches their shoes. My ex does that. He is always dressed to the nines. He also gets his tips frosted, goes to tanning booths (in California, I mean really... go out and lay in the sun for free dumbass!) and has regular manicures. The man is prettier than I am.

At any rate. I think that fact that you can't be a criminal is a good thing. Right? Right?

PW said...

call me

Mr. Bud said...

1 six year old belt. it is brown.
1 pair, 3 year old shoes. they are brown,.. mostly.

i'm good.

Fyremandoug said...

Do ya have nappers remorse
when we were young wildland firefighters and we were out on the line fore long night shifts the good crew boss would have us nap on shifts, and it really made a big difference and screw the GQ
if your cammies match the area your hunting in you got it made

Mr. Bud said...

hey. i thought i was the only one who still listened to steve miller.

counting down on one hand.

we need a falling down, irresponsible, push mattresses on to main street, steal the flag off the courthouse, wake up in some old ladies house on the couch, drunk.

county reduced their night jail stay to only $14. if that ain't a reason, what is? (comes with breakfast) (and clients can't come in unless their invited! and they take your cell phone! and you can sleep the WHOLE time if you want! and you are protected by police! holy crap! motel 6.5)

Mr. Bud said...

i don't know if you have any bandwidth.

Seward recording. windy as hell. i don't play, i'm lying upside down in the van with the camera. first take 2 guys walk right through and stop. doh.

i am so dead putting this here.

The Pirate said...

Queen- When I say I'm going out to get my tips frosted, I think it means something else, entirely.

PW- I called, groovy news, baby:)

Doug- My cammies always match the woods, except if it snows a lot.

Mr Bud- I still dig Wild Mnt Honey, yes we need a good, bend over the tops of the copper trees by the bridge drunk, starting at KBC.

I was able to watch the seward vid, but only in 5 second bursts:(

Jay said...

I have two pairs of dress/business casual shoes. One pair is black and one pair is brown. I also have one reversible belt. Brown on one side, black on the other. Am I hip now? LOL

I can't be a criminal either. I get caught PLANNING to do something.

Blondie said...

Hello! So you're on the patch, eh? I did that last year. Worked pretty good except for the itching. And I have sensitive skin, so they didn't stick right and I had to tape them to my body. Mostly my inner arms. I looked like I tried to kill myself in different places each day. It worked except for my LAZINESS after the fact. Got bored and smoked again. Don't do that. It's just silly. :)

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Pirate, what's up with the lack of postage lately? The blog, I mean. Not stamps.