Friday, May 30, 2008

Search me

Just for the hell of it, I've included a couple photos of our infamous "practical workout" of a few days ago. You can see one poor sod dragging the truck tire and me saving the life of the CPR dummy. The medic kept telling me to position my hands so that my fingers were in line with her nipples and I kept telling him she had no nipples. ( I peeked before the workout)

After noting the other day that 1. There's such a thing as Google Book Search and 2. Unfortunately, my only book review can be found there, I wondered (as bloggers do) what searches bring folks to my humble, little site so I popped on my statcounter and took a look at the search terms.

It seems that "addled" is still a commonly used term, though it seems a bit archaic to me. I will forever think of sherrif July Johnson pathetically trying to explain away his wife's unforgivable actions, saying, "Maybe she's just....I don't know.........addled?"

Why does that line stick with me? Maybe I'm just.....I don't know.......addled?

Anyhow, some of the answers people have sought from me lately can now be found all in this single post. Think of it as some sort of public service.

2.70% montmorillinite-----Montmorillinite (a hydrated sodium calcium aluminium magnesium silicate hydroxide, I think) is a soft, phyllosilicate mineral and a member of the smectite family. (I love smectites, don't you?) Smectites!
2.70% hope hands tattoo---A skull and crossbones is much more stylish.
2.70% hanny's voorwerp----Hanny's Voowerp can be found at Galaxy Zoo and Voowerp is Dutch for "object".
2.70% how much do a pair of jeans weigh----All clothes weight too damn much if you have to fly on a helicopter, unless they are Keens shoes.
2.70% how much do a pair of shoes weigh---See above
2.70% how much do a pair of shoes weigh?---How many times????
1.35% hobbies to develop when you are idle and bored---Sailors and wankers know...
1.35% chords hi ho hi ho its off to work we go----I don't know the chords to the fucking Hi Ho song, but I sometimes sing it when it's off to work I go....
1.35% can dick enhancement hurt a mans dick----Yes, everything in the world is capable of doing hurt to your package, but it's the berries, not the twig, that you really have to protect. That is, unless you enjoy puking out a lung.
1.35% image cool et important---All cool and important images can be found here.
1.35% idle hands addled mind---A state of being and a website to be avoided....
1.35% we dont make mistakes bob ross quote---Bob Ross was to pot smoking in the 80's as wiping your ass is to taking a dump: The first is much more satisfying with the addition of the second.
1.35% tonsils that grow back---Are really your unborn evil twin taking over your body. Beware.
1.35% we don't make mistakes---We all make mistakes, but it's how we deal with them that defines us.
1.35% tommy tools----Tommy Tool is just that.
1.35% snl bob ross----Not cool to make jokes about Bob. He was the shit, man.
1.35% zz top on idle---Been idling for years, now.
1.35% how much do new balance shoes weigh---To damn much, I already told you!!!!
1.35% father's day pirate---Rough day for pirates around the world. I should know.
1.35% tying up sausage----I don't know how to tie sausage, but Mike Rowe does.
1.35% penthousee----Penthouse has one "e" and lots of double D's (YES! I finally came up with my second-ever joke)
1.35% can my tonsils grow back 20 years after surgery---Yes, tonsils CAN grow back and there IS a Santa Claus (I met him as a child. Really. Fuck you-he came to my house accompanied by a smoking hot elf!)
1.35% idle hands baking company--seems contradictory, but if it sells bread...
1.35% bosch brewery---The Bosch Brewery is gone, but I have one of their old, wooden kegs.
1.35% blog rogue wave---Yes, rouge waves exist.
1.35% does soot on the bottom inside a wine bottle mean it is bad?----Nothing in your wine is bad unless it ruins the taste, or gives you the shits.
1.35% stealth condoms and shirt----No, I never did get around to making stealth condoms, or shirts, but if enough people show up here looking for them...
1.35% when you have your tonsils taken out can they grow back---See Santa Claus.
1.35% sure you were looking for this:
1.35% idle hands and idle minds---Now that's me.
1.35% the three amigos whenever there is injustice---The three Amigos movie CANNOT be found on my blog-go away. Shooo.
1.35% three amigos whenever there is---I said SHOOOOOO!
1.35% testicle needles balls-----Testicles+needle=bawling, not balls.
1.35% slang terms for yams---I thought Yams was a slang term. As in "ya fucking yams!"
1.35% tiny dick like mine---Tiny Dick like mine?? "I just came out of the pool!"
1.35%, again.
1.35% drippy dicks---My tiny dick drips? I'm not liking this trend. At. All.
1.35% how much do shoes weigh---How many times???
1.35% stealth condoms they'll never see you coming---A very popular item with the adulterer crowd...
1.35% bob ross' episodes---Are better lightly toasted while seated next to a friendly bush.
1.35% carousel winery south range----carousel winery south range=yummy. Must go. Now.
1.35% what is boy george's car like---Who in their right mind would care what kind of car Boy George drives? Who?
1.35% mr. haris peterson---Mr. Haris Peterson cannot spell his own name and has a tiny, dripping dick.
1.35% age appropriateness of book where did i come from?--I think I established that there is no such thing.
1.35% how much shoes weigh---Can you believe how important this is?
1.35% bob ross, snl---Almost as important as Bob!
1.35% how much do tennis shoes weight---See!
1.35% tiny dick--The pool, I swear!
1.35% fuck guy chest---I cannot say what this person was after, nor am I sure I want to know.
1.35% how much do cell phones weigh---Not as much as they cost.
1.35% how much do t-shirts weigh? I swear I thought only pirates had to care about this.
1.35% pirate cove, naked pirate bar----"pirate cove, naked pirate bar" Shit! The cat's out of the bag and now everyone's going find the place!!
1.35% stealth condom---Keep coming and maybe I will...
1.35% my tonsils grew back-So did mine!
1.35% how much do shoes weigh? AHHH!
1.35% frozen peas on testicles----And finally, yes, frozen peas are like heaven when placed on your testicals in certain situations. I reccommend it, in fact.


Fyremandoug said...

So how fucking much do your shoes weigh...My New Balances weigh 8 Oz.
a lot less than Bob Ross's Hair

and do yourself a favor dont count your compressions for CPR
sing the refrain of "she'll be coming round the mountain"
its 30 compressions Spot on.
No shit!

and always keep that sack of frozen peas close by

The British Bird. said...

the Doc will only allow a couple of pounds for clothing on the scales, but my boots which I wear to work are Harley Davidson motorcycle boots(womens) and must weight a pound each! Very comfy though.

Lord only knows how many googlers stumble on my blog. They must be looking for key words like:
Wankers, idiot politicians, British, Moron drivers, road rage, etc. to name a fw. btw I came across YOUR blog by Fyremans link on his page :-)

The Pirate said...

Greetings British Bird:) The Fyreman is an righteous dude, no bout a doubt it. Feel free to poke around, ignore the mess and please step on any cockroaches, or wankers you see scurrying around in the corners.

The British Bird. said...

Asking a woman to poke around is quite refreshing... you do realize that we rifle through your underwear drawers and medicine cabinets without asking anyway? :-)

Steph said...

I love this blog when you go into "Shell Answer Man" mode.