Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Don't walk it-cross it

It has been said before that it is good to be King.  It was certainly better than being a Pollywog, today.   The Wogs were called to and detained in the ship's office.  In pairs, they were led out, blindfolded, to answer to myself (King Neptune) and my court.  My Bashers, Doctor and Chief Inquisitor did the dirty work as myself, my Queen and our Baby held court and watched the proceedings. 

The Wogs were led to a purifying bath, made of rotten food and numerous sauces, oils, vinegars and just plain nasty shit.  Once kneeling in the foul brew, the charges against them were read aloud, they were allowed to plead and I judged them.  All were found wanting and judged guilty, whatever the charges, which ranged from sleeping on shift, to being French.  Forced to drink a purifying drink of Tabasco, chicken sauce, balsamic vinegar, custard and other nasties; they were then baptized in the bathwater and ritually shaved- an eyebrow or a bald stripe right through the center of their hair.

Pulled from the bath, they were then forced to kneel and crawl to my feet, where I passed sentence on them.  All were sentenced to appear before our Baby and hammered with custard pies, before being set free as Shellbacks.

All in all, a very pleasant day for myself and the rest of the veteran Shellbacks.  The Wogs?  Well, they will all get over it, someday.  Most likely the day they sit in my seat and have nothing to fear, but sunburn.  I burnt my forehead and the tops of my feet during the ceremony:(

So, this long-standing tradition, handed down through several hundred years of seafaring still stands tall and yet another generation of sailors have been abused, ridiculed, poisoned and shaved.  It's been a good day.  What do think of my mustache?


Anonymous said...

It looks like everyone had a fun time. You need to wear that outfit on Halloween.


pw said...

Get some sun on those legs..
Still love ya!!!!