Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Orka Man (TM)

The crew boat came back out today bringing the offshore equivalent of the Orkin Man. Evidently, about a week ago, cockroaches broke through the wall of a cabin, dragging off one of the navigators in his sleep. They chewed him up real bad and threw his lifeless body overboard undercover of the moonless night, but he was found tangled in the towed gear of another vessel.

I guess if your gonna step on them, do it when the other little fuckers aren't watching. This is why the Orka Man (TM) sprayed down most of the ship at a dead run and literally dove back aboard the crew boat without even saying goodbye, or bothering to note what would happen if you're one of those people who puts pens and pencils in your mouth, even after dropping them on the floor where Mr. Orka sprayed. It wasn't pretty, but we think the second mate will survive the swelling as long as it doesn't crush the trachea tube our medic managed to jam down his throat before he suffocated. Speaking of the medic, he just stopped by and said not worry about the metallic taste in my mouth from the fumes and that the sudden rash should disappear except for the areas that have started to suppurate...

My God, how I've missed this shit, I mean ship.

7 comments:

Macoosh said...

part of me loves it when you're away and on the ship because, although i know how it sucks to be away from the family and all, you're biting humor and sarcasm could win awards. i adore you.

Mr. Bud said...

i will promise not to stare at the gi-gantuious tumor growing out of your forhead.
geeeooodd.

that's because ..i adore you too..

(ok, i'm holding..holding...)
bbraaahhhhahaha..

The Pirate said...

Hello Macoosh-howz the assassin biz? (Mr bud is a slimelord)

mr bud-Oh, I know you adore me, too.

Leastwise you wouldn't let me borrow your tools, if'n you didn't.

In fact, I'm very adorable, except when I'm not.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

You don't suppose you could train the little bastards to do your job and then take Crew-X more often do you?

Fyremandoug said...

Hey Pie-rat Im going out to sight in My trusty old deer slayer and I thought about You and missing opening day last year...are you going to be able to swing opening day this year???????

The Pirate said...

Q-I wish I could train ANYONE to do my job and be able to sit at home:(

Fyreman-Veni-season is totally up in the air this year, as I am changing operations and schedules sometime in September, or October. I am NOT happy.

Blondie said...

I am not afraid of spider, snakes, or mice. I am terrified of cockroaches. I'm not sure why, but I HATE THEM with a burning passion. I hope your rash gets better soon...