Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Measure twice, cut once!


This should be of interest to PW...

As you may know, I’ve been fighting strep throat since early March. Three course of two different antibiotics, only to have it blossom again in 2-3 days each time I completed the course. Well, I have a damn good medic on board and he’s in contact with a great doc, who happens to be in West Africa right now, fighting the AIDS epidemic. Anyway, after a bit of back and forth, they’ve finally discovered why the massive amounts of antibiotics haven’t kicked the shit out of the strep.

That would be because I’ve got tonsillitis. I’m now on a very long and very heavy course of antibiotics because the ship’s rolling too much for the preferred treatment requiring the medic to cut those fuckers out with a scalpel. I told him to go ahead and give it the old college try but he’s trying to be all conservative and shit. First, he used the lack of anesthetic as an excuse, but I hammered him on that-I don’t need to be knocked out, just numb it up a bit and start cutting. Weellllll, the boat’s rolling. I’m all like so what? It’s not like there’s all kinds of really important stuff in your throat that you can’t do with out if you slip and anyway THE SHIT GROWS BACK.

That’s right, THE SHIT GROWS BACK. See, I had my tonsils and adenoids removed as a kid. Both of ‘em carved right out o’ there. Right. Thirty-some years later, they’ve grown back and went all itus on me, again. Now, I’m not bitter, but I am pretty angry. I mean, surgery ain’t cheap and it’s not like the fat fuck who cut ‘em out in the first place is still alive. It’s likely he went coronary about 20 years ago, so no refund, no second one is free kind of deal. I gotta pay to have something cut out that was already cut out once.

However, this doesn’t concern me as much as the vasectomy I’ve been contemplating.

13 comments:

PW said...

Come home early and i'll take care of you.
Love You,
ME

Mr. Bud said...

so wait, is the medic going to practice first with the vasectomy?

Jay said...

They freaking grow back? I've never heard of that bullshit. Are you sure that's a REAL doctor on that ship?

The Pirate said...

No offshore vasectomy is going to happen, period.

Jay, tonsils are like pod people, they can grow back and fuck you over when you least expect it. Thoroughly researched via the Internets, today.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

I had no idea those fuckers grew back. Yours are looking pretty ugly by the way. If you want, I'll meet you on the boat and do it myself. I think I have a Time-Life series on home surgery somewhere... and if your internet connection is good, we'll have WebMD. We can do this!

Fyremandoug said...

Dude your tonsils are as nasty as your bellybutton.....ewwwwwww
My advice gallons and gallons of wine....any type

Freddie said...

Yikes, re: both.

I've heard it's much harder to get over the tonsil removal thing as an adult.

I think you should do as PW says.

LL said...

I had my tonsils taken out 5 or 6 years ago. That shit SUCKED. Add in the fact that pain meds make me nauseous and puking HURTS when you have raw tissue in your throat, and you have a pretty good idea of why it is NOT a good idea to be letting the medic even CONTEMPLATE chipping away at those things!!

Queen of Dysfunction said...

So... any luck convincing the boat doc to cut your throat up?

The Pirate said...

No, I've decided not to end my days on this earth bleeding out, on this rusty, old tub.

Me is a Newfie'sWoman said...

Pirate, me is beginning to think that you has luck like mines. Shitty luck. Tosnisls grow back?? What the fuck is up with that. Ya would think they remove something and it would stay removed. DOCTORS!!!!! 98% of um is arsemunches. Good fuckin lord. Ya pay to have the surgery and the suckers grow back.. Me heart goes out to ya. At least it not strep throat through right?? Maybe

Macoosh said...

dude i had my tonsils out and i totally believe they're come back to kill me slowly. i knew they grew back even though people try to tell me otherwise!!!

meanwhile, the phrase, "they go all itus on me" made my day.

Blondie said...

I had my tonsils out after 6 months of solid itus when I was 16. Lost 20 pounds. Was told by doc to eat something rough to "take the scabs off." I'll never eat popcorn chicken again.