Saturday, March 29, 2008


Jay mentioned there are rules for this wordzzle thing that Raven graciously hosts every Saturday:) I don't do rules very well, but I suppose at some point, I'll maybe wander back over to Raven's place and possibly look around to see if any rules jump up and smack me in the face. In the meantime, I just went ahead, copied the words and banged out another pitiful attempt at trying to hang with literary big dogs. Even if I suck, I kind of like the creative challenge and a few minutes of not thinking about where I am and what I'm doing.

With that, here's my Saturday Wordzzle offering...

Epeius and Odysseus combined, I sit motionless. The salamanders crawl out of the bushes between my house and the next, intent on dragging the dessicated chicken leg, I'd left on the patio-a trojan horse to their Troy, Filled not with Greeks, but rat poison pellets, in my trivial pursuit of finally ridding my house of these pugnacious pests. They paused near a half-filled beer can, carelessly tossed aside by the neighbor's son, passed out behind the wheel of his car abut 10 feet from me. They began removing the pellets and dropping it into the beer. Balderdash! I thought as I watched. This can't be true! But after cleaning the poison-stuffed chicken leg of every pellet, spiking the beer and dragging the can to a spot near the neighbor kid's car where he's sure to spot it and hopefully finish it, they departed with my now harmless offering. With their own sort of binding arbitration, these fantastic little creatures had cemented a peace with me. The bottomless pit of hate I felt for the kid who routinely stole beer from my garage, music CD's from my car and once vomited what smelled like cheap whiskey all over my porch, far outweighed the mere annoyance of these small lizards who often swarmed over my house. No more Trojan horses, I would offer them frankincense ,myrrh and finally, a peace between us.

And for the mini challenge:

Inspired by Jay and his images of pink thongs...I need to get of the ship!

The maniac girl worked the telephone pole outside the video store like a crackhead stripper, moving in time to the sidewalk flute player, her skirt flying on a windy day. Splinters.


Jay said...

I don't know for sure if there are any actual rules. I haven't actually looked either. I just know that Raven has a link to a place where you can find "guidelines." Back when I was in school we had this book full of "guidelines" that were actually rules. They just thought if they called them "guidelines" they would seem less oppressive.

Great story again. You really rock at this! I started to have a girl working a telephone pole like that but decided against it. I'm glad I did cause your's was better.

Raven said...

These are great! As for rules, pah on rules. I hate rules myself. There are guidelines, one of which is don't worry all that much about anything... These comply perfectly with the format which is to use them in a concise paragraph. Thanks for playing!

SnoopMurph said...

There were rules??? Well, I didn't read them either, but hey we are all writing!

Oooh, you have Heart playing on your list, one of my favorite all time groups. I always admired Nancy Wilson's guitar playing. I digress.

Anyway, those salamanders as the main idea-I was intrigued (as long it wasn't spiders, I'm good) and using "Balderdash" as a spoken phrase is just awesome.



Akelamalu said...

Those were both fantastic - are you a published author? If not you should be! :)

The Pirate said...

Published author? The closest I'll ever come to getting published will be my name in the police log, or my obituary, whichever comes first;)

That said, thank for the compliments, guys-this is a pretty cool game and I am having fun digging this stuff out of the cobwebs and beer stains.

Dianne said...

Wow! Just Wow!!

You preface by saying you shouldn't hang with the literary big dogs and then write the most amazing stuff!!

I love that the salamanders poisoned the drunk kid LOL - that was just priceless and the way you described it is perfect.

and then the cherry on top is you use all the mini words in one perfect sentence.

this is so cool

You Rock Pirate!!

Kim said...

Awesome...truly awesome! You should be published! (Since you mentioned obituaries...I had to write my own obit as an assignment once...much harder than one would think...give it a try sometime!)

I really hope you'll do wordzzles each Saturday now...Welcome to the "Big Dogs' Club"! You certainly belong!!!

the teach said...

Great wordzzles! Thanks for laughing at mine! I can feel the splinters! Ooh! :D

Rich said...

Thanks for coming by the site and commenting. I liked the pole dance imagery as well in your story, though the splinters made me say OUCH for that poor gal.

I look forward to next weeks stories.


Steph said...

I kept expecting to read "The moon is never down." at the end of this in the tradition of the celery stalker. Sadly, that tag line wasn't there. Happily, this bit was just as amusing and every bit as verbally confounding.

Have fun getting home. It was a total pain in the ass trying to get your page to load (an issue on my end I'm sure) and so I am not going to comment on the other posts lest my kids get to hear another dose of cursing.

I have to say however, that the article about megalodon was freaking awesome and your fascination with the universe has proven delightful as always. I wish I was able to belly up to the bar in the blogosphere more often because I FREAKING LOVE THIS BAR!

...and since you are going on Crew-X I'm not going to ask you about meteor showers and where to find a reliable source for when they are coming because that would be, like, just rude.

Instead I'm just going to wish you a happy Crew-X and a hasty return to Pirate Wife and LP and stuff to do in lake country.

Thanks, by the way for more good tunes. Even when they cut in and out because my connection sucks donkey balls it's still good to hear 'em.